“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion.”
— Dale Carnegie
However fast world may progress towards automation and robotics, every individual will still require an another human to love him because machines can not fulfil the most basic urge of the heart, that is ‘to love and to be loved’. Relationships are the most important but simultaneously difficult to cultivate if not cared properly. Just like the plants have to be supplied with water, fertilisers, sunlight etc from time to time else they will dry up sooner or later, similarly relations gets flourished or can bear fruits when cared and gets broken up or uprooted from hearts when ignored.
Following things can surely help in nourishing the relationships.
Respect the difference
“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.”
– Donald Miller
No 2 people are made similar, each single of us is created unique physically as well as emotionally. Individuality can become great asset If we can use it to grow, but can become great cause of frustration if we start comparing with other’s individual natures and likings. Respecting the uniqueness means appreciating the creation of god. No one is perfect so rather than competing with each other and making life more complicated it is better help and assist each other on our sojourn towards perfection.
Expectations has to be minimised
“Expectations are cause of misery.”
It is great to have expectations! It is also natural to expect your partner to be there for you all the time; to love you unconditionally; to always understand you; to always remember your birthday. If you find out that your expectations are not fulfilled, rather than getting angry at your partner, ask yourself whether your expectations are realistic and attainable. Keeping unrealistic expectations and hoping them to be fulfilled soon can break the connection eventually.
Begin with Loving exchanges
“They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”
— Carl W. Buechner
Although love is faculty of heart it has to be expressed with the words and actions, it’s not a good idea to keep respect and love only within one’s mind. Srila Rupa Goswami, a Saint and an aacharya of 16 th century shares the time tested formula of developing relationships by quoting a verse in his Nectar of Instructions which says by Offering gifts, accepting charitable gifts, revealing one’s mind in conﬁdence, inquiring conﬁdentially, accepting food and offering food one can nurture the connection with others.
Acknowledge the contribution
Many times we forget about the contributions of people in our life thus we starts taking them cheaply or deal neglectfully that can ruin our relationship. Recognising and appreciating their participation in our upliftment(physical or emotional) can help in bridging of several minds together. Inspite of having vast information available for keeping relationships intact for years together still we see so many of them getting destroyed because people fail to apply this knowledge in their practical life.
“To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.”
― George MacDonald
Trust is a super important part of a healthy relationship, but it’s something that many people struggle with, for a lot of different reasons. What does trust mean? Trusting someone means that you think they are reliable, you have confidence in them and you feel safe with them physically and emotionally. Trust is something that two people in a relationship can build together when they decide to trust each other. You can’t demand or prove trust; trusting someone is a choice that you make. Trust is important than love because it fuels the love. Trust is one of the major foundation of any relationships.
I consciousness has to be overcome
The only things which can harm the relationship is that to think how I can get benefitted by this. Relationship is all about to serve and not only to be served. Personal agendas are like tight noose around the neck of relationships. Self centred consciousness has to be transformed into selflessness. Relationship means Seeking to give more than you receive. As long as we have exploitative tendencies in heart the real relationship can never grow.
Overlook the mistakes
“We can improve our relationships with others by leaps and bounds if we become encouragers instead of critics.”
— Joyce Meyer
To err is a human, no one is perfect so rather than pondering upon others’ mistakes let’s learn to ignore it. Make a habit of focusing on the positives. Pay attention to your and other’s strengths.
Become a nonjudgmental
“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”
— Mother Teresa
Most of the times it happens that people react over the issues without understanding the intent of others. We judge very quickly just by seeing the externals but they are not always real. We should treat others just like we want to be treated by them.
Speak it up
“Assumptions are the termites of relationships.”
— Henry Winkler
We are not the god who understands and notes down every single thing that goes on in mind or in heart. How others will understand us if we won’t speak it up. Not speaking anything and expecting others to behave or act in certain way is illogical. It’s observed that those who regularly share their sorrows and happiness with others at least through words they are more blissful than those who keep everything in mind.
“The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands.”
– Alexandra Penney
Real relationships are much different than they are shown in romantic movies. When everything is nice and happening according to our way then it’s easy to have good relations but the real test comes when ups and downs come in life’s journey. Rupa Goswami gives the definition of love, he says, there may be multiple reasons to quit but still relationship continues and that’s the real love. One must strive to hold on to it inspite of having many impediments.
Find out inner connection
We are much more than our physical body, we are spirit soul at our core. If we are attached to each other on the basis of physical charms and external skills then such relationships will end soon because neither the body nor anything related with body has permanent place in the world. But if we are loving each other, respecting each other understanding that we are eternal souls, servants of one God then that relationship can go beyond time and space. We must try to develop that inner connection with each other which not only includes binding of bodies and mind but also the soul.
Pure purpose has to be focused upon
One can keep relationships with others only if he can deliver his dependents from the path of repeated birth and death.
One must see that what he actually seeks from relationship, mere bodily or mind’s needs or something higher than that. God and service to god should be the centre of any relationship. If the foundation of relationship is strong that is service to each other and to the supreme , then all other mentioned things become secondary and relations bear the fruits of satisfaction and higher bliss.
By Rupeshgauranga Dasa