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UNDERSTANDING A MAN’S HEART

Thursday, 27 September 2018 / Published in Blog thoughts / 422 views

Devaki Devi Dasi: A woman is meant to be the energy and inspiration to man. This is, in a
nutshell, the beautiful role we women are meant to play-such a great
responsibility! Srila Prabhupada very nicely explains this in the purport to
Srimad-Bhagavatam 4.21.4: “When thus protected, women as a class remain an
always auspicious source of energy to man.”
If we women want to learn how to support and inspire a man to rise to his
very best performance, if we want to empower him and bring the very best out
of him, we have to first of all understand a man’s heart and nature-how he
ticks. Only then we can know how to act for his inspiration. A man wants to
be the glorious hero for a woman, especially for his wife, but ultimately
for any woman. Srila Prabhupada explains this in the following purports:
Srimad-Bhagavatam 4.25.41:
“Every husband is certainly a great hero to his wife. In other words, if a
woman loves a man, that man appears very beautiful and magnanimous. Unless
one becomes beautiful in the eyes of another, one cannot dedicate his whole
life to another.”
Srimad-Bhagavatam 10.25.33:
“It is natural that a young man wants to do something wonderful in the
presence of a beautiful young girl. The gopis were the most beautiful and
pure-hearted young girls, and Sri Krishna performed the most wonderful
activities in their presence. Thus He entered deep within their tender
hearts, enlivening their eternal devotion to Him.”
Krishna is the topmost hero, and in the material world we find the perverted
reflection of this principle as male nature wanting to be the hero for a
woman. Thus the most painful situation for a man is when he appears as a
fool and loser in the eyes of a woman. Such an experience compares to 1,000
knives piercing his heart.
When she even thinks or says, “Just see, I told you so! Why didn’t you do it
like I told you?! Just see, I knew you wouldn’t be able to do it i I could
have told you this right in the beginning!”-such thoughts or words are like
so many razor blades cutting his male heart into pieces. It entirely
disempowers him. It takes away all his inspiration and motivation to be
responsible and active. It can even completely block and almost paralyze
him. In fact, it can ruin his very life. A husband cannot follow in the
footsteps of his wife-it is the wrong rasa.
I remember from my own married life, every time I was trying to give my
husband some good advice in all friendship, saying, “Why don’t you do it
like this and this and this?” He answered jokingly: “You know what, I
exactly wanted to do this. But now that you told me, I cannot do it
anymore.”
This is how the male ego works. If we women want to have nice, harmonious
relationships with men, we have to be very careful. Better not to instruct
men what to do and what not to do, especially as a wife. If we are thirty
years older and we act like a well-wishing, wise and affectionate mother we
can perhaps say something. But for a wife, she had better learn the art of
making her husband believe that her idea is his idea.
All that is required in order to learn this art is our willingness to give
up the credit for the idea-that we renounce the ego satisfaction of being
the one who knew better. As soon as we try to get this satisfaction of being
superior, the male ego will not like it and will react accordingly. Often
out of spite he will do the opposite, even though he might understand that
it would be the right thing to do.
Often devotees ask me for advice about their family problems. I have met
couples where the wife is always trying to be number one-she is “Mrs. Pure
Devotee”, getting up at 2 am, and chanting all of her rounds etc. If this is
done with a certain egotistical motivation, trying to show off how Krishna
conscious she is, and indirectly telling her husband that he is in complete
maya, it will entirely block and discourage him.
As Srila Prabhupada explains in his purport to Srimad-Bhagavatam 3.23.2, “A
man’s psychology and woman’s psychology are different. As constituted by
bodily frame, a man always wants to be superior to his wife, and a woman, as
bodily constituted, is naturally inferior to her husband. Thus the natural
instinct is that the husband wants to post himself as superior to the wife,
and this must be observed. Even if there is some wrong on the part of the
husband, the wife must tolerate it, and thus there will be no
misunderstanding between husband and wife.”
A husband wants to be in the front, in a superior position. If his wife
takes the superior position, then she will not agree to be the auspicious
source of energy and inspiration to him any longer. However, most men need
this feminine energy in order to be inspired and motivated. And since he
can’t receive this energy, he becomes almost as if he were paralyzed. I have
seen examples where a husband becomes so frustrated that he turns into an
alcoholic, even though second initiated. It is a very serious matter.
If women do not have this knowledge, they will definitely do and say the
wrong thing, and will be surprised why their husband is becoming uninspired,
lethargic, irresponsible, and even turns away from Krishna consciousness.
A mentor may definitely take the side of the wife, saying, “Your husband is
drinking; he is not a devotee. He is useless-you better leave him and get
divorced.”
We might not even realize to what extent she is contributing to the whole
situation. Unless we have this knowledge we will surely give the wrong
advice in all marriage problems. I have come across other examples where she
is also trying to be number one as a big preacher, always ten steps ahead of
her husband. As a result he loses all interest in spiritual practices, and
even stops chanting. He then puts all his time and energy into his
professional career, because there he can be number one and be the hero, as
his wife doesn’t know anything about his field of expertise.
Again, if devotees don’t have this deeper understanding, they may say, “Your
husband is in maya. He is not a devotee. Maybe you should get divorced.”
We have the example of Gandhari blindfolding herself, because she does not
want to be in a superior position to her husband. So women have to take the
same stance if they want to be the power of inspiration to a man. Whenever a
husband becomes lazy, lethargic, uninspired, and irresponsible, it often
means that his wife does not know the art of being the inspiration to him.
Saying this does not mean that we are blaming the women. No, it simply means
that we women have such powerful energy! It is in our hands to inspire a man
and bring him to his very best capacity, or to block him and almost ruin his
life. Such is the power of feminine energy.

New Prasadam outlet at Isodyan guest house opened today (Album of photos)
The Only Enemy a Person Can Have is His or Her Own Uncontrolled Mind

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