Aindra das…how he vanished…. My thoughts as I knew him
Gadi das: My obeisances and respects to all the Vaisnava devotees of Lord Krsna..Please consider me too fallen and unworthy to utter a word, yet somehow, after great procrastination, I must submit these thoughts for your consideration.
Devotees are still pondering the unusual way that Aindra left his body, and still making comments regarding this. So I am compelled to offer my humble realizations, be as they may…
Most devotees, even if they privately question the nature of Aindra’s departure, will outwardly try to see the mysterious event in a positive way… some will not. Some want to infer a darker explanation. For this reason I am compelled to offer a simple but healthy perspective.
First, we are so very uniquely designed, each soul designed to give Krsna uniquely designed happiness… just read our books. …they are filled with the most interesting offbeat characters imaginable, (pure devotes of Krsna). These personalities show us by example, and give us the courage to be our real selves. Our original essence, are as pure, unique, charming spirit souls. We are not carbon copies…..that would not be logical… Krsna loves variety…one of us is enough.
Even in our association there are many souls exhibiting their attachment for Krsna in unorthodox ways. This is just fine with me as long as they remain in line with guru, sadhu, and sastra. As Bhaktivinode Prabhupada warns, we must be alert to see the real sadhu, regardless if he meets our preconceived idea.
Srila Prabhupada has given us the most unique and exalted goal, and the path leading to it. Just how his mercy manifests in the hearts of those who love Him is most beautiful to watch unfold. Compassion is the effulgent quality that supremely designates our dear Guru. Can anyone argue otherwise….? Srila Prabhupada : “The quality of compassion is omitted in the age of Kali… it was naturally present in previous ages”. It was removed with the leg containing mercy. Subsequently, we have to work harder to bring forth our missing quality of compassion and consequent broadmindedness toward each other and the world.
There is no mold! Every soul is exquisitely unique, and every soul is an intimate part of Krsna, and in its pure condition, behaves in a special way that gives Krsna pleasure.
As conditioned souls, we like to judge others and categorize them, and somehow create a convenient definition for them. What is this residual impurity that encourages us to make such omniscient judgments? We frankly do not know who is who, or why they appear in our life the way they do! Can anyone say that another jiva knows them completely and perfectly….of course not…that power is only reserved for Krsna.
Every devotee unless extremely devious and/or processed with demonic qualities, (that never seem to become purified), are trying in their heart of hearts to please guru and Krsna…to love and satisfy them, no matter how imperfect the endeavor may appear outwardly. Remember: “However perfect our intentions, the outside world judges us on how perfect our presentation, and no matter how perfect or imperfect our presentation, Krsna judges us only on our intentions.”
Thus no mater how peculiar or awkward a devotee may appear, we must clear away all tendencies to find fault, categorize or in any way diminish their devotional expressions.
There are a lot of devotees who behave as we have come to accept as “normal” and therefore we consider them “good devotees”. In our feeble attempt to only see the “good” devotees, we may very well miss the opportunity to admire and get the wonderful blessings of a truly great soul that simply behaves somewhat peculiar or off the norm. Then we mentally commit offences toward them of even verbally create offensive statements.
The soul is indestructably unique and beautiful. A perfect spiritual spark of Krsna to be served, loved and assisted in so many wonderful ways.
This brings me to the unique soul in focus: Aindra das prabhu.
Personally I have never met a soul like him. Our first meeting was profoundly wonderful and internally altering. He was a strict bhramacari, and my life could not have been more different. But somehow, there we were, and we would speak freely and matter of fact regarding the urgency of finding our personal constitutional position….the perfection of internal service unto the beautiful RadheSyama. This would be our urgent and joyful plea to Them…By the way, (They are waiting for all of us to have this exchange with Them). We would have these “normal” soul stirring exchanges. I would feel my own spiritual identity pushing toward awakening. We had many talks like this and each one went deep into my heart. Many aspiring bhaktas have had wonderful exchanges with Aindra that have changed their lives…
Another very important feature of his uniqueness was his obvious frustration at not being able to bring everyone up to the spiritual achievement that he was on. This frustration was simply having excessive love for his spiritual journey members, and sometimes caused him to verbalize in a caustic way, with the consequent misunderstandings of others around him. He was, in fact, feeling extreme urgency to help everyone around him. It was a reaction to his own feelings of inadequacy. He struggled to express himself effectively, and to pass that understanding to those around him. His only motivation was to give the highest gift to everyone… the wondrous fruit of Sri Hari Nama.
I can say that I understood him quite well. We talked and laughed a lot. I enjoyed our exchanges like no others…(I’m sure he got shortchanged on his side, but he never showed it). His greatest fault was his extreme eagerness for everyone to experience love for RadheSyam like he did…. And there is no fault in that.
There were some difficult times when he expressed himself at Prabhupada’s disappearance festival. He became extremely exasperated and would often say how he was ready to go… there was part of me that completely understood.
He was not inferring suicide, just his desire to be with his sweet Lords. For an advanced soul, because of the loving relationship established with Krsna, they have a very positive option, especially if they are treated poorly, or if their mission is completed. They just want to be with Krsna…..thats the goal, is it not? Its not suicide, its just Krsna making the arrangement according to their desire to come back to Him. Krsna can, with one action, accomplish a wide spectrum of objectives.
I left Sri Vrindavan…..
Everyday I would think how wonderful it will be to see each other again, when I would return to Sri Vrindavan and we would have our wonderful talks….
Aindra das was/is a special soul, and is still my most special friend. I deeply love him.
I do not write this for any personal gain…please,… I just felt I had to state what I know, regardless of how it is interpreted or how it may shape attitudes toward me.
In essence, we must always be careful how we see each other. Our safest course is to see ourselves lower than all other devotees. Full appreciation and gratitude in our hearts will prevail and we will gain Krsna’s favor by that mood. I feel there is no quicker way to make deep, lasting progress on this wonderful yet tricky journey.
This should always be our personal vision…to view all devotees as exalted…ourselves, something less….
Thank you for taking your valuable time to read this…. Yours in Prabhupada…..… your servant, Gadi das….Jai Jai SRI RADHHEEEEEEEE………….SYAMA!!!!!
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