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Dandavats! All Glories to Sri Guru and Sri Gauranga!

“The Bhagavad-Gita as it never was” Praghosa Prabhu’s book distribution adaptation of the first two chapters of the Bhagavad-gita (GBC meeting)

Wednesday, 23 February 2011 / Published in Humor, Praghosa Dasa / 5,381 views

Read/performed by Praghosa das

Written by Adhoksaja Krsna das

The Bhagavad-Gita as it never was

Click the player below to listen to it:

Chapter 1:

Observing the karmis

Seeing that O’Connell Street was completely congested with cars and buses, Arjuna das riding in his mighty sankirtana van asked his sankirtana leader Krishna das to blow the van horn, in doing so the car driver in front also blew his horn and the drivers in front of him also blew theirs. Soon the whole line of traffic was beeping and the sound was tumultuous and shattered the hearts of the traffic wardens.

At that time Arjuna spoke the following words;

Oh infallible sankirtana leader Krishna please park up my sankirtana van so that I can look on the street to see where it is best to distribute books, let me see who has come out today to do their shopping. When Arjuna saw all the stressed faces of the shoppers he spoke the following words.

My dear sankirtana leader when I see all these fools and rascals shopping in such a fighting spirit I feel my limbs quivering and my lips drying up, my whole body is trembling and my hair is standing on end, my books are slipping from my hand and I am unable to stand here any longer, please find me a library or even a toilet! I’m forgetting myself and my mind is reeling, I see only causes of misfortune oh driver of my sankirtana van, I do not see any good coming from stopping these people and nor do I desire a big score.

Oh Krishna although these people, overtaken by greed are shopping for useless things, why should we, who know they are completely out of it, destroy their enjoying spirit?

What pleasure will I derive from standing out on this street all day? Arthritis will surely overcome me, and what recognition will be gained even if we do get our score read out in front of the assembled devotees? In addition all these shoppers do not know that we need a collectors licence. Why should we, who know it is a crime, try to stop them for a Euro, or squeeze them for five?

Why are we trying to break up their families by getting their children to shave up? When these children join, their mums will surely get addicted to sinful bingo.

Having spoken thus Arjuna cast aside his sankirtana paraphernalia and sat down in his van completely fried.

Chapter 2:

Contents of the mind nullified;

Krishna, seeing Arjuna with his eyes full of tears and his mind depressed spoke the following words – my dear Arjuna how have you become so fried? These statements are not benefitting a sankirtana man who knows the value of money, they do not lead to doing a big score but rather a tiny one, do not yield to this degrading impotence it does not become you and give up such a rinky-dink mentality and arise of stopper of the shopper!

Arjuna said – Oh killer of the mad mind, how can I give books to people like that fat lady who has just eaten another burger and is in danger of being called a warship? I think it would be better to get a job in Govindas than live by selling to these people because while they search for Tesco bargains their intelligence is actually lost and likely never to be found. So I don’t know what is best, struggling all day on the street or spacing out myself in the shops. If I were to stay out here all day I would do my back and feet in, so now I am confused about my duty because these people are miserly and sooo difficult to stop, so please tell me what to do as I do not think I could get fired up even if they all gave me a tenner.

At that time Arjuna fell silent. Then Krishna smiling in the midst of all the karmis at the battlefield of the shopping mall spoke the following words; While seemingly making sense you are actually speaking a load of rubbish, never was there a time when we sankirtana devotees did not do the shopping malls, nor in the future shall we ever cease to be here, as there will always be poor souls accompanied by their wives who continually pass from the boy shops to the youth shops and finally to the old antique shops and that which is in their pockets becomes small change but sankirtana devotee never gets bewildered by such small change, rather he grabs as much of it as he can.

The appearance of big scores and their disappearance in due course of time are like the appearance and disappearance of the winter and summer seasons and one must learn to tolerate the TP when your scores are low. One who is equipoised through all of this is certainly qualified to be elevated to the status of BBT trustee. Those who are stoppers of the steerers of the shopping trolleys have concluded that ongoing big scores are practically non-existent and learns to rise to the brahma-bhutah platform concerning the small change anartha. Please also hear from me that many of those who parade passionately through the shopping malls are virtually unstoppable, however take shelter in the knowledge that sooner or later their resistance will come to an end. So don’t give in but fight oh sankirtana warrior or else it will be back to the ignominy of laundry seva. For one who has won a Srila Prabhupada marathon becoming a dobhi walla will be a destination more awful than even described in the 5th Canto.

As a sankirtana devotee you should know that going full pelt on the street is the only thought you should have in your mind, so please do not hesitate. Happy are the book distributors to whom such sankirtana opportunities come unsought, opening for them the purses of potential heavenly donations. Therefore if you do not go out today you will simply incur sins by neglecting your duty and damage your reputation as a big distributor. Indeed within the winking of an eye you will become known as a small timer and for a renowned sankirtana man that dishonour will be worse than death.

The temple presidents who have highly esteemed your scores will soon choose not to buy you the best jackets, shoes or the latest iPod.

Oh best of the sankirtana warriors go out now and feel transcendental pleasure even while being frozen by snowy northern winds, or you can stay inside warming your hands in the Marks and Spencer toilets while your mind beats you up, preparing you for what’s coming from your beloved TP.

If thou simply collects for the pleasure of guru and Krsna without consideration for doing big or small, being high or low or whether you get a jai or a fry, by so doing you will never stop doing sankirtana. Thus far I have described this knowledge theoretically now get out there and hit a few people up – and remember – in this sankirtana endeavour always stash whatever notes you get down your socks, that way if you ever get lifted by the police you will be saved from the most dangerous type of fear – losing your sankirtana collection.

Those who are on this path outside the shopping centre may be resolute with their purses but with intelligence we will hit them at the entrance, thus their lust to get into the shopping mall, might help prize some laksmi from them to get rid of us. Men who do small are attached to park benches and are also able to convince themselves that it is perfectly normal to take an hour to pass water. Being attached to warming their feet and hands and relieving their bladder, they say that there is nothing more than this. In the minds of those too attached to fancy bhoga and who are bewildered when it rains, the position of being in the top ten in the marathon does not take place. Oh I have seen it all my dear Arjuna – even the TV das who deals mainly with the subject matter of the 3 modes of channels – National TV goodness, Star TV passion and Bangla TV ignorance. Oh Arjuna please know that the TV can be your best friend but also your worst enemy, now please learn from me how to make it your best friend. Go to your local temple shop or order online the wonderful Srila Prabhupada DVD series, take one of those discs and put it in the DVD player connected to the TV and push play. Immediately the demon TV will be banned to the nether regions and the divine TV will reign supreme!

Do this religiously every evening after sankirtana and you will wake up ready to chant intense rounds, thus your next day on sankirtana will be more glorious and each day after your sankirtana will be ever increasing, thus your temple president will once again be pleased with you and you will have attained perfection!

Param vijayate sri Krsna sankirtana ki jai!

Live From Sri Mayapur Candrodaya Mandir! HH Bhakti Raghava Swami
GBC AGM Report- February 20th, 2011

3 Responses to ““The Bhagavad-Gita as it never was” Praghosa Prabhu’s book distribution adaptation of the first two chapters of the Bhagavad-gita (GBC meeting)”

  1. Parthaprana says :

    Very nice !!

    loved it… waiting for some more chapters !!

  2. Parthaprana says :

    VEry nice….liked it very much. Good fun.

    waiting for some more chapters !!

  3. brahmajnani says :

    The gist of Bhagavad Gita could never be understood literally! The moment mankind succeeded in assimilating pearls of wisdom contained in 700 shlokas verses of Bhagavad Gita… one finally reached stage of enlightenment (kaivalya)… and finally salvation (moksha)!

    The original teachings of Bhagavad Gita with English transliteration is available for mere $.60 (rupees 30/=) at most railway stations of India or directly from Gita press, Gorakhpur, India… still, people wondered what Bhagavad Gita of Hinduism was all about!