{"id":12052,"date":"2013-11-13T11:37:01","date_gmt":"2013-11-13T10:37:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/?p=12052"},"modified":"2013-11-13T11:37:01","modified_gmt":"2013-11-13T10:37:01","slug":"change-the-language-from-%e2%80%98i-should-do%e2%80%99-to-%e2%80%98i-want-to-do%e2%80%99","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/?p=12052","title":{"rendered":"Change the language from \u2018I should do\u2019 to \u2018I want to do\u2019"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Vraja Bihari Das<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cThus I have explained to you knowledge still more confidential. Deliberate on this fully, and then do what you wish to do.<\/i>\u201d (Bhagavad Gita 18.63)<\/p>\n

After having spoken the message of Bhagavad Gita, Krishna is now offering a choice to Arjuna; the choice of not following His teachings. Arjuna could either accept or reject the knowledge as he chooses to. It\u2019s a \u2018choice\u2019, not a \u2018command\u2019; it\u2019s about wanting to do and not should be doing!<\/p>\n

Devotional service is sustainable only if \u2018I want to do\u2019 not if \u2018I should do\u2019<\/p>\n

We heard the \u2018should\u2019 language the moment we came out of the womb; \u201cyou should not annoy your parents\u201d; \u201cyou should excel in your studies\u201d, \u201cyou should be a good boy or a girl\u201d\u2026 Some pull through their entire life hearing this language and they also quickly learn to speak this language; when they are old enough to exercise authority over someone else, they successfully pass the legacy that they inherited from their seniors. Now their equals and dependents hear from them the same \u2018should\u2019\u2026 it\u2019s not surprising that individuals living a life of \u2018should\u2019 are some of the most unhappy people in this world.<\/p>\n

Many of them seek relief from their miseries, and some chance to come to ISKCON. Here the wonderful philosophy, prasad<\/i> and kirtans<\/i> give them joy. But soon we start to hear the \u2018should\u2019 language again. \u201cYou should chant 16 rounds daily\u201d; \u201cYou should follow the four regulative principles\u201d; \u201cyou should not to do this\u201d or \u201cyou should do this\u201d\u2026the list is endless. Initially the other happy things in our Krishna consciousness help us tolerate the \u2018should\u2019 language that we hear from all other devotees.<\/p>\n

As we grow older in the path of Bhakti, the \u2018newness\u2019 phase is over; we have gone to all the holy places of pilgrimage; we have heard all \u2018exciting\u2019 classes and  danced in kirtans<\/i>, and feasted on a rich cuisine of Prasad. When the honeymoon is over, the challenge begins; \u2018why should I chant my rounds?\u201d \u201cOh I have taken a vow\u201d \u201cI better do this and don\u2019t do that or I\u2019ll go to hell\u201d<\/p>\n

Then the drudgery sets in; the mind thinks, \u201cI\u2019d rather not do this, but I should do because I am a devotee, and what will others think of me\u201d and \u201cOh, I can\u2019t tell them I won\u2019t chant because I have preached about this so much myself. How can I be a hypocrite; let me chant although I wish could do better things\u201d<\/p>\n

How long does this go on? Life after life, till we learn to offer our hearts to Krishna with love; till we learn to speak the language \u201cI want to chant my rounds\u201d \u201cI love to render devotional service\u201d \u201cI am happy to be a servant of devotees\u201d.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s only then that devotional service becomes my \u2018choice\u2019; otherwise it\u2019s simply a \u2018burden\u2019.  And if we don\u2019t make the change now, it\u2019s a matter of time before we either abandon our avowed spiritual practises or continue the sham of Bhakti, living in hypocrisy or guilt. Or terrible still make others\u2019 life miserable by insisting that they \u2018should\u2019 do all the things we are doing. Our preaching is then aggressive, the driving force being to add more members to our misery camp.<\/p>\n

How do we begin to learn the new language of \u2018I want to\u2019? Try two things: first take some time off every week and reflect on what you are doing in life and why are you doing them? Ask the painful question: \u201cam I doing this because of some fear\u201d or \u201cwhat if I don\u2019t do this what will happen\u201d \u201cWhat is the price I have to pay for doing this or not doing that and am I ready and willing to pay the price\u201d\u2026.<\/p>\n

As we seek answers to these questions we\u2019d feel empowered and strong in our Krishna conscious convictions. The need for approval and acceptance from others will be gone. I\u2019ll do things because I really want to do them, and will be confident to say \u2018no\u2019 to that I don\u2019t\u2019 want to do.<\/p>\n

Secondly take responsibility for everything that you do and for all that happens in your life.  This you do by stopping the blame game. A friend once said \u201cI can\u2019t come for your weekly programme because I have to attend the counselee meeting\u201d.  Remembering a similar situation I read about in Steven Covey\u2019s seven habits, I decided to replay the \u2018accepting responsibility\u2019 game. I humbly said \u201cI think the reality is you choose not to come for our programme because you want to attend the meeting\u201d. \u201cNo, I want to come here, but I have to be there\u201d, he insisted. Again I asserted, \u201cMy friend, you want to be there\u201d He repeated his assertion. I then asked him what would happen if he didn\u2019t go for the meeting there. \u201cWell, I\u2019d be ostracized by the group and would lose good friends\u201d Then I completed the sentence for him, \u201cI choose to attend the meeting because I want to keep old friends and need acceptance from my community\u201d.  He could now see the difference between the first sentence he spoke to me and now the one that truly reflected his mental state. He confessed this made him uncomfortable because suddenly he felt he was now responsible for his misery. It was easier earlier because he could easily blame others for his distress.<\/p>\n

The more we learn the language of choice- \u201cI am responsible for my life and I do things because I want to do them\u201d-the more honest we\u2019d become and we\u2019d also be more naturally situated in Bhakti. And yes, of course, we\u2019d also be happier.<\/p>\n

About Author: Vraja Bihari Das
\nVraja Bihari dasa holds a Masters degree in International Finance, and a MBA from Mumbai University. He is serving full time at ISKCON Chowpatty, and is an active teacher of Bhakti Yoga and a prolific writer on Krishna consciousness. He blogs over a dozen websites, and you can read his daily reflections on www.yogaformodernage.com<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Vraja Bihari Das<\/strong><\/p>\n

The more we learn the language of choice- \u201cI am responsible for my life and I do things because I want to do them\u201d-the more honest we\u2019d become and we\u2019d also be more naturally situated in Bhakti. And yes, of course, we\u2019d also be happier. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12052","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-articles"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12052","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=12052"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12052\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=12052"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=12052"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=12052"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}