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\nI hesitated turning on the lights to the darkened bedroom I was entering, the sounds of slumbering members peacefully catching the last few moments of dreams-hopefully good ones-filling the air. The act was inevitable, though, as it was the scheduled time to wake up at the group home I have begun to recently work at. There are five members and although I have gotten to know each and every one of them, during the early morning hours I mostly work with one in particular. For the sake of privacy I will call him Bill.<\/p>\n
Bill has severe cerebral palsy as well as intellectual disabilities and a host of other issues that altogether leave him in a sad state. He spends 24 hours constricted into a fetal position with his eyes mostly closed. This morning he was moaning loudly in discomfort and coughing. I went to his side and began to slide down his bed rail and pull back his sleeve to expose his wrist before putting on the blood pressure monitor. I wrote down information on his vitals and began preparing him for a shower.<\/p>\n
As he moaned and clenched together his arms and pressed tightly together his knees, I began my work. I wanted to bring him relief but there wasn\u2019t much I could do as he was already given his medicine. All that I could think of, to provide us both comfort, was to begin singing quietly the Mahamantra as I proceeded to take off blankets. I started to kind of lose myself in what I was doing, all the while singing and listening to the sweet sound vibrations the names of Lord make, when I decided to look back up at Bill to see how he was doing. He hadn\u2019t moaned out for a couple of minutes.<\/p>\n
The sight that I beheld when I looked towards his direction made me pause what I was doing and instinctively reciprocate. I smiled back. Bill\u2019s eyes were wide open, revealing a striking cerulean blue I had not yet before witnessed. A small curve turning upright etched itself into a visage usually frozen in what can seem like an eternal grimace. I reached out and gave him a hug, happy at seeing a hint of joy in eyes. Eyes that I was finally able to catch a glimpse of. I was also happy that I could share His names in such a way that they seemed to provide Bill with comfort during a painful and frustrating time. He slowly closed them once again and became quiet and the rest of the morning rolled by peacefully.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n
I feel really blessed lately that the jobs I have recently acquired are ones that involve helping and caring for others. Something that I really feel lead to do. Since I began to work in the human services field I have found all sorts of opportunities, not to necessarily preach, but at least to share His names with others while having the chance to serve intimately their needs in a mode of compassion, love and respect.<\/p>\n
By Krishna\u2019s mercy, I feel some of the conditions at my work have been in such a way that they helped my settings be more conducive to my spiritual path. For example, normally at the group home I would be responsible for preparing meals for the next day, which would include meals with meat. However, my partner, the one who works with me during my shift, asked to switch duties because she loves to cook. So, instead I will do some cleaning while she prepares the meals. That was completely fine with me! I felt strong disdain and a sense of internal conflict towards the idea of cooking meat. While, I would definitely prefer they consume vegetarian prasadam, it\u2019s not possible in this case as they are all on designated diets. Though that doesn\u2019t mean they always eat meals with meat, for those meals it is possible to discreetly offer them. I just felt really fortunate that I would not have to perform an act routinely that I felt contradicted with my spiritual values.<\/p>\n
Another way I have found my new primary job is conducive to my attempting to practice bhakti yoga is that I work third shift and there is about two hours during my shift where there\u2019s really nothing to do other than monitor members. That leaves me with a lot of time to read Krishna conscious materials and sometimes chant, when my partner dozes off-all of which can be difficult at home right now due to me having to be quite secretive on practicing because of my husband\u2019s ambivalence towards Krishna consciousness.<\/p>\n
Although my work has become environmentally supportive of my spiritual pursuits my circumstances in my personal life have continued to provide some challenges. My husband\u2019s unwavering hostility towards Krishna consciousness really restricts the things I can do while he is home. Also, a couple of my closest friends have voiced their disapproval towards my chosen path when I described it after they inquired about my current spiritual views. They are very strong Christians that I used to attend Bible studies and retreats with.<\/p>\n
My friend Amanda even went so far as to stage a sort of \u201cspiritual intervention\u201d where she and a friend tried to pray over me to \u201ccast out demons\u201d that were compelling me to chant. And when that didn\u2019t work tried to talk me out of my attraction towards using primarily the Vedas for spiritual insight, saying that the only religions and philosophies that come from them are dead and \u201cof the devil\u201d. Furthermore, a neighbor of my friend Stacy-who I care for every night and has MS-is ironically enough a friend of Amanda. Stacy recently confided to me that her neighbor expressed concerned about her friendship with me. That because I practiced \u201cnew age\u201d and did ungodly acts like chanted, I might very well be introducing harmful spirits to her home. She requested that Stacy let her know what time I usually come to her apartment so that she could \u201cbless\u201d the door in order to protect the atmosphere within against my potentially harmful spiritual influence. I really did not know how to digest all of that. I just try to maintain a sense of tolerance and can\u2019t help but kind of feel bad for those who have such a narrow view of God. I also try to remember all the misconceptions I\u2019ve had in the past, and undoubtedly still have. It still feels kind of weird to know that people actually believe you are being influenced by dark spirits, even \u201cthe enemy\u201d, and that you are so spiritually impure that doorways should be blessed before you walk through them!<\/p>\n
A facebook friend of mine who is a devotee shared with me a quote from Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur<\/span> that I have begun to meditate on and find really encouraging.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo not give up devotional service even if there are innumerable dangers, countless insults and endless harassment. Do not become disheartened that most people in this world do not accept the message of unalloyed devotional service. Never give up your devotional service and hearing and chanting about Krishna which is your everything. Always chant the Holy Name becoming more humble than a blade of grass and more tolerant than a tree.\u201d
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\nAnd I haven\u2019t given up. I\u2019ve learned a lot about persistence and pressing onwards. Of turning obstacles and challenges into stepping stones and opportunities. Of viewing them ultimately as blessings for the lessons they teach. And for that I give credit to Krishna-whose names have truly been an anchor and a refuge during turbulent and uncertain times that have challenged my commitment to pursuing bhakti yoga. I feel I am starting to at last experience some results that have come out of the stubborn persistence I have had in hanging on to my chosen path. This time last year I would find a visit to my local temple a rare event. Circumstances in transportation have changed and now I have been able to make it more often to my local temple to perform service there as well as attend more Sunday Feasts and thus immerse myself in more association with devotees. Between the association I get at the temple and that which I am exposed to online, I have begun to really realize recently the profound impact proper association can have on one\u2019s spirituality. It\u2019s so refreshing!<\/p>\nThis blogpost is already beyond the length I\u2019d like it to be. If you\u2019ve made it reading it this far I thank you very much! Please feel free to share any comments or questions you might have in the comments section.<\/p>\n
Hare Krishna!<\/p>\n