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Frequently asked Questions on Mentoring<\/p>\n
By Kripamoya Das<\/strong><\/p>\n When I was initiated in 1975, Srila Prabhupada wrote a letter to my temple president at the Bhaktivedanta Manor, asking him to make sure I followed all the rules. He wrote:<\/p>\n 13th November, 1975<\/p>\n My dear Prabhavisnu das,<\/p>\n Please accept my blessings. I am in due receipt of your letter undated and accept upon your recommendation the following as my initiated disciples\u2026.I also accept the following as twice-born brahmanas and their threads and mantra sheets are enclosed: Kripamoya das\u2026You should have a fire sacrifice and the second initiates should hear through the right ear the mantra on my recorded tape\u2026.It is your responsibility to see that these devotees that you have recommended strictly follow the rules and regulations, chanting 16 rounds, attending the classes and the mangala aroti and refraining from the four prohibitions. You should lecture on these points at the initiation ceremony so that everyone understands fully. And by your own example you should teach.<\/p>\n I hope this meets you in good health.<\/p>\n Your ever well wisher,<\/p>\n A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami<\/p>\n ACBS\/BS\/mdd Encs.<\/p>\n It was quite a common style of letter, and many temple presidents received one like this at some time. The reason was simple. Travelling the world fourteen times in a dozen years, Srila Prabhupada tended to spend only three or four days at each of his centres, perhaps once a year. There was insufficient time for meeting every disciple, so he spoke to them in groups. He eventually initiated 4,800 disciples and almost always asked the responsible senior devotees to look after them for him.<\/p>\n This was nothing new in the ancient Vaishnava tradition, although Srila Prabhupada\u2019s single-handed pioneering of a world-wide movement was unique in history, and called for unprecedented arrangements. He grouped his disciples \u2013 the majority of them \u2013 in communal living arrangements and, during the 1970s, this was the standard way of life for most devotees of Krishna. \u201cStrictly following the rules and regulations,\u201d as he wrote in the above letter, therefore involved living in a \u2018temple\u2019 under the supervision of a \u2018temple president.\u2019<\/p>\n The average size of one of the temples of ISKCON, outside a few larger ones in cities such as Los Angeles, New York, London and Bombay, was between 8 \u2013 20 residents. Keeping an eye on young devotees, freshly initiated and newly committed to their vows, was relatively easy in such small groups. It also contributed to what members fondly remember as a \u2018family feeling.\u2019 Fifty years on and the movement has grown and changed. The philosophy and practises remain the same, but most of the members do not live in small communal clusters. There is still communal living \u2013 in around 600 locations internationally \u2013 but the majority of ISKCON\u2019s members now live in their own homes, visiting a nearby temple or group if there is one.<\/p>\n Preserving Srila Prabhupada\u2019s request for his responsible senior disciples to provide spiritual leadership and to \u2018teach by example\u2019 has needed some careful re-designing for a new and vastly expanded situation. The rapid growth in the movement\u2019s membership is proof of the success of Srila Prabhupada\u2019s messages, but with size often comes greater complexity, and so it has with the challenge of helping others on the spiritual path. Because helping others to grow in spiritual life is as important as initiating them into it, for ISKCON simply to hang on to its membership required a slightly more developed approach.<\/p>\n The beginning was the formation of small groups for kirtan, Gita discussion and prasadam. Wherever devotees lived, they wanted to come together with others for the essential practises of spiritual life. And in doing so they supported each other. As relationships between them developed, a loving community of Vaishnavas grew, as affectionate a community as there ever was in the \u2018good old days.\u2019 When new people joined these groups, attracted by what they found there, the senior members helped them along their newly-chosen path; teaching them what they knew and offering words of inspiration, encouragement and guidance whenever they could.<\/p>\n When it came time for initiation, the aspiring disciples found that they needed to be \u2018recommended\u2019 by \u2018an ISKCON temple president\u2019 according to Srila Prabhupada\u2019s orders. Because the local temple president might look after a temple many miles away, and would often not know the candidate well, if at all, the onus was upon the small group leader to provide an account of the suitability of the prospective disciple.<\/p>\n Although initiation is a matter of the heart, it is also a matter of the head as well. Clear thinking is required on the part of the candidate, as well as knowledge of all that the guru-disciple relationship requires. Adequate preparation for lifetime vows is essential, and the disciple must be conversant with the beliefs and practises of a devotee of Krishna. He or she must have also successfully developed some level of relationship with the prospective guru. For his part, the guru had also to get to know his prospective disciple.<\/p>\n But even with all that in place, the guru would only see his disciple once or twice a year. It still remained that there be a responsible person caring for the spiritual needs of the disciple. In Srila Prabhupada\u2019s words: \u201cIt is your responsibility to see that these devotees that you have recommended strictly follow the rules and regulations, chanting 16 rounds, attending the classes and the mangala aroti and refraining from the four prohibitions.\u201d<\/p>\n So the group leader, or other senior member in whom the young devotee had faith, began to take the role of pastoral supervision seriously. Regular meetings were held, and a list of pre-initiation requirements prepared. The role of the senior devotee was still one of spiritual friendship rather than spiritual director or supervisor, but elements of counselling, direction and supervision were increasingly needed as devotees became more serious about their formal spiritual commitment. Having adequately prepared the aspirant disciple, sometimes over the course of two years, the senior devotee would then submit his or her letter of suitability on behalf of the candidate, to be ratified by the temple president in the formal letter of recommendation. There were a few hiccups along the way; some gurus suggested that it was all becoming a bit too formal and somewhat restrictive for their prospective disciples. That was particularly the case when the candidate did not receive a resounding recommendation. But there were other occasions when, somewhat brow-beaten by a no doubt well-intended guru, the senior devotee gave in to pressure and relented, voicing approval of the candidate against their better judgement. Months later, when the newly-initiated disciple was no longer following his vows, and when everyone involved had been thoroughly embarrassed, both guru and local group leader could understand that there was indeed value in a formal system.<\/p>\n Getting it right has taken time, but after five years the result is that even more devotees are becoming initiated. They are better trained and prepared, and there is a growing network of senior devotees who are very successfully guiding new members towards a progressive life in Krishna consciousness. In Britain, there are some four hundred new devotees being guided at the moment.<\/p>\n Somewhere along the way the generic term \u2018mentor\u2019 was chosen in preference to anything more traditional or Sanskrit. There are many such ancient words describing the teacher-guide, but the word had already come into use with our university clubs, youth groups, and was used extensively in the corporate world. It was a legitimate English word of almost universal application. Mentor is originally a Greek word now meaning \u2018a wise and trusted counsellor or teacher,\u2019 and this seemed to fit exactly. From this came the expression \u2018the mentorship system\u2019 and the rather unfortunate American back-formation \u2018mentee.\u2019<\/p>\n Over the four years, some experienced mentors have been compiling and sharing their successes and mistakes, and as a consequence there is a growing body of material on mentorship as it applies to ISKCON. What follows is a description of some key elements \u2013 in Q&A format. A more formal booklet on mentorship, particular as it applies to preparing a candidate for initiation, is also available.<\/p>\n What is Mentorship?<\/p>\n In his correspondence and conversations with his disciples Srila Prabhupada often used such terms as senior devotees and junior devotees, implying that a natural relationship of education, inspiration and guidance should exist between them. Mentorship is nothing more than an extension of the natural, spiritual guidance offered by Vaishnavas in a modern, non-temple setting.<\/p>\n What does it involve?<\/p>\n In mentorship there are elements of the following: Empathy; Compassion; Listening; Appreciation; Encouragement; Friendship; Care; Guidance; Advice; Inspiration; Spiritual nourishment and Teaching. A mentor gives Confidence, helps to remove Doubts, offers Empowerment and Direction; provides Continuity in the life of the devotee and teaches by Example.<\/p>\n What is it, exactly?<\/p>\n Friendship from a more experienced Vaishnava can help a devotee progress in spiritual life. Good mentorship is a form of encouragement that serves to inspire the devotee to set goals in spiritual life and to move towards them. A mentor can help to provide knowledge from scripture and guidance from their own experience; reassurance and freedom from doubts; and to cultivate devotion by providing an example.<\/p>\n What aspects of life is mentorship for?<\/p>\n Krishna consciousness is our original consciousness and can be developed or reduced according to how we live every other aspect of our lives. A good spiritual guide takes everything into consideration, because everything has an effect on our consciousness.<\/p>\n You might say that our life is like a tree: we have roots, a trunk and a leafy, fruit-bearing crown. The roots are our spiritual connection with Krishna through strong devotional practises; the trunk is our physical and emotional life; and the crown is what we give back to others. Since the crown is the result of healthy growth of both roots and trunk, it makes sense to look after them both.<\/p>\n You\u2019re saying that a mentor must be a physical coach as well as a spiritual guide?<\/p>\n Not really, but a mentor would, for instance, guide someone to keep themselves and their surroundings clean and ordered, to sleep well, to get up earlier rather than later, eat healthy meals rather than junk food, get fresh air and exercise, and to use their body in service to Krishna. If physical health is weakened then spiritual practise becomes more of a challenge.<\/p>\n But how can a mentor really be involved in someone\u2019s emotional life?<\/p>\n A mentor might offer some counsel based on scripture. There\u2019s a lot of Yoga texts that describe how our emotions can be affected by how we live, and how that can have a helpful or adverse effect on our spiritual focus. For instance, tranquil surroundings and deep breathing can help us to be peaceful, and getting up early can help us to meditate. A spiritual adviser might teach how to keep one\u2019s consciousness in the mode of goodness through regulation, and the need to be aware of the bad effects created by rajasic and tamasic foods, music, movies and mundane books, late nights and so on.<\/p>\n The Vedas \u2013 particularly the Ayurveda and the Yoga Sutras \u2013 have a lot to say about ethics and how to act so that we cultivate a wide range of human virtues. The word prakriti means \u2018nature\u2019 and samskriti means when we use our bodies and the environment wisely so that everything we do purifies our existence and leads us to a higher level of awareness, an awakened consciousness. It\u2019s where we get the word samskrit from, indicating the \u2018purified language that leads the soul upwards.\u2019 Vikriti means the exact opposite, when our thoughts, speech and actions bring us down to a lower level of consciousness. A mentor is someone who would teach their spiritual friends how to follow the codes of samskriti and how to avoid vikriti. A mentor would teach how to cultivate such qualities as forgiveness, for instance, or compassion. These virtues affect every other relationship in our lives, and when we act on them, when we show compassion in our actions or forgive others, this enhances our sense of emotional well-being.<\/p>\n So a mentor would encourage positive emotions, the cultivation of virtuous behaviour, and the actions towards others that spring from positivity and virtue. Kindness towards others, tolerance and understanding, and sharing Krishna consciousness in different ways, are all the crown of the tree of life. It\u2019s the part that gives, the part that everyone sees \u2013 but it can only give when the other two parts are healthy. There has to be a healthy balance between roots, trunk and crown.<\/p>\n In a practical mentoring situation, how can you remember to check all three parts?<\/p>\n Well, you\u2019re dealing with a person, and a person is an integrated package of all three parts. Sometimes all three parts are in harmony, sometimes not. You can ask the main question: \u201cHow are you?\u201d but in three different ways, by having a simple mental checklist for all three parts. For the \u2018roots\u2019 you would ask certain questions such as \u201cHow is your chanting \u2013 did anything come up for you this month? What have you discovered from reading Srila Prabhupada\u2019s books this month \u2013 anything helpful or interesting? Anything you found hard to understand or that gave you doubts?<\/p>\n If there is some doubt about some aspect, or if there has been some negligence in some area, you can talk about that.<\/p>\n Regarding the \u2018trunk,\u2019 you want to ask if they are physically well and emotionally nourished. This area includes their friendship circle, their family, work situation and their social progress. There are times in life when even deeply committed devotees find it hard to continue: bereavement or divorce; job loss or moving home; sickness or anxiety about the future \u2013 all these times are when a mentor needs to be concerned, listen empathically, and offer words of support.<\/p>\n The third area is all about what they are doing for the support and upliftment of others. Krishna consciousness is meant for sharing, is easy to share, and contributes so much to their own spiritual progress that it\u2019s a very important question to ask.<\/p>\n So many questions! Isn\u2019t it all a bit taxing for people?<\/p>\n Well, you don\u2019t sit down with a list of 50 questions and ask them one after another. That would be an imposition and it would be impersonal, too. But if you internalise those questions, and then bring them up in a natural conversation, in your own words, you\u2019ll be able to cover everything.<\/p>\n It sounds as if you are asking mentors to be psychotherapists as well!<\/p>\n A mentor is not a physical trainer, a health consultant, a qualified doctor, an astrologer, a psychotherapist or a nutritionist (unless they do happen to be professionally qualified in those capacities) but to the extent that Srila Prabhupada offered us all life guidance on how to have a good health\/life\/work balance so that we could serve Krishna, we should comfortable in doing that, too.<\/p>\n In fact, it is a long-standing tradition in Vaishnava circles to offer guidance in the areas known as gauna-vidhi-bhakti \u2013 life choices that are not in themselves bhakti, but which have a direct bearing on how we perform bhakti. Bhaktivinode Thakur was a great advocate of a physically and emotionally balanced life so that we could serve the ultimate purpose of life: God realisation. But if someone we\u2019re mentoring requires expert advice in any of these areas, it is the mentor\u2019s job to re-direct them to someone more qualified.<\/p>\n What should be the attitude of a mentor?<\/p>\n A mentor is a compassionate Vaishnava. As we grow and mature in our spiritual lives, the desire to help others increases. It\u2019s a natural by-product of loving Krishna. When we understand the Lord\u2019s love for us, and our gradually increasing love for Him, we actually feel ourselves wanting to help others. If you encounter someone who is new to Krishna consciousness you\u2019ll want to answer their questions, to share what you know with them. You will want to help them get over their doubts and fears about spiritual life, and you\u2019ll reassure them that Krishna consciousness is actually a noble path on which they\u2019ll experience inner peace and joy.<\/p>\n But to do it properly you\u2019ll need empathy, compassion and kindness. You\u2019ll need to put yourself in another\u2019s position and help them with sensitivity, always encouraging them and empowering them to see their way ahead. You can help them in goal-setting, but the choice of goal should be theirs. As a senior devotee you have authority and a certain amount of spiritual power, and they will respond to that, but the main thing is always to give them power \u2013 just as Srila Prabhupada empowered his disciples.<\/p>\n It sounds like the role of a mentor could actually be an egotistical one?<\/p>\n Yes, there\u2019s always a danger when in a role of spiritual guide that you can enjoy the role in the wrong way. That\u2019s why you always have to remember that it\u2019s a service for your guru; and that it\u2019s not actually about you \u2013 it\u2019s about them and Krishna. And you are simply the one who is helping to form and keep their relationship with Krishna strong and healthy. You are a midwife helping to bring to bring out the beautiful child of Krishna consciousness. You have a facilitation role, a serving role, not an enjoying role. Just as a midwife never imagines that the baby belongs to her, so you should understand that you can\u2019t take credit for the spirituality developed under your mentorship. If Krishna wants to, He will give you the credit \u2013 but you can\u2019t take it for yourself. Indeed, after all your mentoring work is done you may even be forgotten by your devotee friends, but you\u2019ll do it anyway, praise or none, remembered or not.<\/p>\n But how can I be compassionate \u2013 when I don\u2019t feel compassion?<\/p>\n Like anything else, compassion is something that must be cultivated, and that takes time. We can develop it through abhyasa, or practise. That means to do compassionate things out of duty until we feel it naturally. Besides, if you show compassion to others, even though you might feel artificial at times, you\u2019ll help yourself to become self-realised. In the ancient Srimad Bhagavatam there\u2019s a nice instruction from an incarnation of God named Kapila to his father Kardama Muni. He says: \u201cYou should show compassion to all living entities. Then you will attain self-realisation. You should give assurance of safety to all. And by doing so you will perceive your own self as well as all the universes in Me, and Myself in you.\u201d (SB 3.21.31)<\/p>\n Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu said that the Vaishnava movement is made of three things:<\/p>\n Jiva Daya \u2013 compassion to all living beings Srila Bhaktivinode Thakur, the great-grandfather of the Krishna consciousness movement said: \u201cShri Krishna is very quickly satisfied with persons who have compassion towards all others, and do not cause them any pain and anxieties. Compassion is the foremost quality of the Vaishnavas. Compassion is their main dharma.\u201d (Jaiva Dharma, Chapter 20)<\/p>\n He explained further: \u201cCompassion and compassionate actions help us to forget our ego-centred world. Compassionate actions therefore give rise to self-realisation and then God realisation.\u201d The Thakur then gives three meditations to help us develop compassion:<\/p>\n All living beings are equal. To help ourselves develop compassion, and to help others, we need a strong spiritual foundation; to see the pain of others, or their confusion or problems; to become free from judging them or envying them. We cannot remain stuck in our small-mindedness but must see ourselves and others from Krishna\u2019s point of view, as spiritual beings on a journey of many lifetimes. Our business, now that our path has crossed that of others, is to help wherever we can.<\/p>\n That\u2019s all very well, but a mentor is a kind of spiritual director, and I feel uncomfortable in giving direction to others.<\/p>\n It\u2019s important to remember that spiritual direction can only be given to someone who first asks for it, and if someone has asked you for help, why would you not give it? If a stranger asks you to guide them to a place in your town, you would carefully tell them which turnings to take, which landmarks to look out for, and so on. Guidance in spiritual life is the same. There is a road map and you help people reach their destination. You\u2019re not directing them to go somewhere of your choice; you\u2019re giving them directions to a destination they\u2019ve chosen for themselves.<\/p>\n Because you have walked the path of Krishna consciousness for several years more than those you are guiding, you are expected to point out to them the obstacles, the wrong turnings and the dead-ends along the path. Perhaps you\u2019ve made some mistakes in your spiritual life, and now it\u2019s your turn to share the wisdom of personal experience.<\/p>\n But apart from that, you\u2019ll be empowering others by giving them their own map and allowing them to make their own choices. A mentor \u2013 or a guru \u2013 should never be in the position of giving such detailed guidance that the devotee feels he cannot make the next step without their input. A good spiritual director teaches broad principles, is sometimes consulted on detailed questions, but encourages those in their care to be self-reliant.<\/p>\n So how would you describe spiritual direction?<\/p>\n Any spiritual direction is meant to guide the person to re-establish their broken relationship with Krishna. To use Lord Chaitanya\u2019s example: the beginning of spiritual life is like planting a seed, and practising spiritual life is like cultivating the small seedling. To be a gardener of that plant of devotion you must do two things \u2013 watering and weeding. Watering is to provide what is needed in spiritual life, and weeding is to remove those things that are not needed.<\/p>\n We water every day and we weed every week. Watering is the drip-drip-drip of the hearing of Krishna\u2019s names in the form of daily japa meditation and hearing about Krishna from scripture such as the Srimad Bhagavatam. Wherever there are devotees of Krishna there will also be these two elements, so keeping association with devotees is also watering the seed.<\/p>\n Weeding is done periodically by pulling out any little weeds that have taken root along with the main seed. The main weeds are desires for material enjoyment and the desire for liberation, both of which have nothing to do with cultivation of love for Krishna, and both of which can strangle the delicate little seedling.<\/p>\n So a good spiritual director \u2013 a good mentor \u2013 teaches what weeds are, helps the mentee identify them in his own thoughts or actions, and assists with their uprooting. When caught early enough, the weeding will not be painful.<\/p>\n So if I do give spiritual direction to others, how can I do it successfully?<\/p>\n You have to be a trustworthy person. Unless someone trusts you, they won\u2019t listen to your direction anyway. You must first get to know Krishna yourself \u2013 perhaps more than you already do. When you\u2019re making a determined effort to know Krishna then you\u2019ll find that your spiritual direction has strength from your conviction. You can do this by reading about Krishna more \u2013 we can always read the Srimad Bhagavatam more \u2013 and by your attentive chanting. You must be conscious of Krishna and firmly rooted in your own sacred relationship with Him.<\/p>\n Then you need to make yourself accessible. Make yourself available. Be there with them in person, not just through emails or on the phone. Being a mentor means having a personal relationship with people \u2013 where they are, not where you are. You may have to adjust your schedule to fit theirs for instance. Don\u2019t expect that they can always adjust their life to meet up with you.<\/p>\n Third thing is to be willing to help. Your willingness to help them will radiate out from you if its real, but you\u2019ll only confuse them if you\u2019re not actually willing to help, but you say that you are.<\/p>\n It seems like being a mentor is a position of great responsibility. How do I know if I\u2019m up to the mark?<\/p>\n Don\u2019t confuse position with role. Being a mentor is not an organisational position; it\u2019s all about becoming a spiritual friend and helping someone move forward in their life. Yes, you occupy a greatly responsible position in their life, but if you don\u2019t succeed in being a helpful spiritual friend to them they will quickly let you know! They will move on, and so will you. Don\u2019t be too worried or nothing will be achieved.<\/p>\n You said trustworthiness is the first quality of being a mentor. How can I be fully worthy of someone\u2019s trust \u2013 or know that they trust me?<\/p>\n No-one will listen to you if they don\u2019t trust you. The first sign that someone trusts you is that they\u2019re listening. Trust is first established during the time of personal exchanges, and it is strengthened when you live up to your promises and assurances.<\/p>\n One way to be trusted, in a spiritual exchange, is to be joyful as a result of deep spiritual practise. Your spiritual connection will shine through your external appearance; you\u2019ll show your spirituality in your smile or in your eyes. You can\u2019t fake it.<\/p>\n Trustworthiness is created when the other person can feel that you\u2019re connected with shastra and your own guru. You can demonstrate that connection by references to guru and Krishna in the conversation. But don\u2019t try to show off your scriptural scholarship; if you do the trust will be lost because the conversation has become all about you.<\/p>\n If you create trust, they\u2019ll be comfortable to follow your advice.<\/p>\n How can I make myself \u2018more accessible?\u2019<\/p>\n Accessible means that you find the time to be with those you\u2019re mentoring, physically and mentally. It will mean that you pick up the phone when they call you, or it means making yourself available at a pre-designated time for a call. You can\u2019t say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry, I don\u2019t have time right now.\u201d It means making the time to meet up physically, and spending enough time with them to discuss things in depth \u2013 if they want to.<\/p>\n Accessible also means that the person must feel: \u201cMy voice is heard with real interest by this devotee. My mentor wants to listen to me, and is making time for me.\u201d<\/p>\n There is an art to listening and letting the other person know they\u2019re being heard. Sitting with an open posture, leaning forward, maintaining eye contact, listening without interrupting and asking relevant questions at the right time, all increase your accessibility.<\/p>\n Sometimes I try to help others, but then afterwards I wonder if I\u2019ve been of much help at all. What advice can you give me?<\/p>\n A willingness to help is essential. Provided you have some enthusiasm, God will do the rest! You would be surprised what Krishna can do if you just let Him talk through you \u2013 you just have to get out of the way! But seriously, the first thing is to accept that you are meant to give spiritual direction. Krishna wants you to, the guru wants you to, and you know you want to!<\/p>\n An aeroplane is as much as 90% off-course throughout the journey, did you know that? There is so much wind up there. All the pilot does is to perform a series of course corrections throughout the journey, and make sure the plane lands safely. When people first come to Krishna consciousness they are up in the air and headed in the right direction, but they could be doing something wrong almost 90% of the time. Your service to them is to perform a series of micro-corrections so that they can stay on track and ultimately reach their destination.<\/p>\n People expect guidance from someone older and more knowledgeable than them, and secretly they crave correction. They may not always ask you to correct them \u2013 but you shouldn\u2019t always wait until they ask! A modern idea is that everyone should be allowed to find out everything by themselves, but that is not the ancient way. We like to empower people, yes, but we\u2019d much rather they didn\u2019t have to make every possible mistake before they discover what best spiritual practise is. Life is short.<\/p>\n When correcting someone, you can do it in an encouraging way, not dwelling on their mistakes or fears, but being positive and pointing out the way forward. Offering guidance or correction also involves being courageous at times. You can\u2019t hold back on something they need to hear about themselves. You need to be brave enough to be confrontational, but kind enough that your words don\u2019t threaten the relationship.<\/p>\n The way you describe mentorship, it seems like there\u2019s a lot in it for them, but nothing for me\u2026<\/p>\n Please don\u2019t think like that! If you do it correctly, you\u2019ll have deep feelings of reciprocation from Krishna. Yes, it\u2019s true, you\u2019ll have to put yourself out a bit, listening to people and their problems, having philosophical discussions at all times of day or night, always being willing to help. I\u2019m sorry if I\u2019ve made it sound more daunting than it is!<\/p>\n The rewards are great, though. People will love you if you just listen to them and try to help them. A spiritual guide is more valuable than even a doctor, and is treated with even greater affection. You are representing Krishna, after all, and by repeating His words, your conversation will be taken very seriously. And the Lord Himself always helps His teachers and preachers, especially those who help other devotees by enlightening them and talking about Him.<\/p>\n So you will be loved by Krishna, famous in the world \u2013 and you\u2019ll even be materially cared for by those who you\u2019ve cared for. Is that alright?<\/p>\n I\u2019m not so sure\u2026it all sounds as if I could get big-headed from being a mentor!<\/p>\n That\u2019s true, you could. But you have to remember one very important rule:<\/p>\n No-one comes to you\u2026because of you.<\/p>\n It\u2019s not about you at all. They want Krishna, not you. He has sent them and has entrusted them to you, that\u2019s all. All that matters is their well-being, not the love they give you \u2013 or don\u2019t give you. It\u2019s always them first, then Krishna, then you.<\/p>\n You shouldn\u2019t become a mentor because your ego needs it, or you need affection, or you need to be a teacher, or because you have some other kind of need. It\u2019s not about your neediness, it\u2019s about theirs.<\/p>\n Just like if you\u2019re a pujari on the altar. The curtains open, and you simply stand there, expecting the congregation to adore you. What a fool you\u2019d look. They didn\u2019t come to see you. They\u2019re not there for you at all; they\u2019re there for the Lord. Being a mentor is like being a pujari \u2013 you\u2019re just facilitating their darshan.<\/p>\n So you need to check your motivations. It\u2019s not that you\u2019ll have no ulterior motives, naturally, but you\u2019ll need to be aware of them and be prepared accordingly. If you want to be loved by those you help, that\u2019s exactly how you\u2019ll be tested. One day, not one of your mentees will love you, or even like you. You have to be able to cope with that. It will pass, of course, but the difficult feelings you\u2019ll endure will arise because of your particular attachment to being loved, or respected.<\/p>\n Being a mentor will be good for me spiritually, then?<\/p>\n Absolutely. You\u2019ll get to know your limitations \u2013 of knowledge, of guiding capability, of tolerance, and that\u2019s always helpful. Being a mentor is hard, sometimes, but it will do you good!<\/p>\n Incidentally, when you feel you\u2019ve reached your limits with a person, please do pass them on to another mentor. Don\u2019t bind them to you because you need them.<\/p>\n As a spiritual director, you must practise being invisible. Srila Prabhupada\u2019s expression \u2013 which he took from his own guru \u2013 was \u2018a transparent via media.\u2019 One time in London he was asked what a guru was. He replied by taking off his spectacles: \u201cNow I can see you, (then he replaced his glasses) now I can see you better. Guru is transparent via media.\u201d<\/p>\n Transparent means, of course, \u2018see-through,\u2019 and that the guru is not opaque. You see through him to Krishna. Srila Prabhupada said that this was the mystery of the disciplic succession: the guru stands between you and Krishna but your relationship with Krishna is direct.<\/p>\n As a mentor you\u2019ll also need to cultivate gratitude, which is always a good thing. Gratitude that: \u201cI have a precious opportunity to help this person on their spiritual journey. Krishna has placed His trust in me. I am very grateful for this.\u201d<\/p>\n Are there different types of mentoring for different stages of spiritual growth?<\/p>\n Yes. Some say there are five basic stages:<\/p>\n Sravana dasa or hearing, learning, asking questions, discussion. Developing faith and eagerness. At each of these stages there will be mentoring appropriate to the stage. Sometimes the guru will do the detailed work, but often the mentor will help at all steps in between.<\/p>\n In each different stage it is helpful if the mentor gives assignments which help to move the devotee to the next stage.<\/p>\n How would you describe an \u2018obstacle\u2019 in spiritual life, and how is it removed?<\/p>\n An obstacle is anything that prevents a devotee from making progress. Many of them have been described in detail by Srila Jiva Goswami in his Sandarbha books, and Srila Vishvanatha Chakravarti Thakur in his Madhurya Kadambini.<\/p>\n One important obstacle \u2013 a complete \u2018road-block,\u2019 it seems, for newcomers \u2013 is that they expect everything on their spiritual journey to be easy and fast. They become surprised when obstacles come along at all, and often become despondent. Just as making ghee from hot butter involves sifting out the impurities that bubble to the surface, so spiritual life involves identifying the impurities that act as obstacles and removing them.<\/p>\n The technique of dealing with an obstacle is to identify them but not dwell on them. By dwelling on them excessively they become unnecessarily fed and such negative thinking creates anxiety and a form of mental paralysis.<\/p>\n Mentors are not meant to provide material solutions to material problems, but spiritual solutions to all problems. A change of attitude to a perceived problem is often all that is required to see your way around it, or through it.<\/p>\n What role does the devotee community play in all this?<\/p>\n An absolutely essential role. Although there is regular care being provided by the mentor, when the devotee joins a spiritual small group or large community there is a continuity of care. By interacting with many other devotees, the person you are helping receives confirmation of everything you\u2019ve said. But the mentee must rise above what might be termed a \u2018passive spiritual consumerism\u2019 and actually engage in relationships with other devotees. Physical devotional service takes the philosophy to a different level and provides an individual with purpose, acceptance and a feeling of belonging.<\/p>\n Is mentoring like other types of counselling?<\/p>\n Well, that\u2019s an interesting question. Historically, in Europe, the priest was the counsellor and therapist for the community, and his guidance always included relevant spiritual direction. His advice included reminding the individual of their relationship with God and how that should be re-established through prayer. This gradually changed around 1920 with the advent of psychology and other forms of therapy being developed as separate disciplines. Nowadays, no-one would consider going to a priest for counselling unless they were members of a church congregation. Indeed, in order to be considered a truly professional counsellor, there must be no mention of God or any specific spiritual undertones to the counselling exchange. The soul must never be mentioned, only the \u2018mind.\u2019<\/p>\n But the processes, you could say, are very similar:<\/p>\n An awareness by both parties of obstacles being signposts pointing to a lesson that has to be learned. That everything that happens to them in life is to help them progress. That the mentor\/counsellor is there to help them see things from a spiritual perspective. You\u2019ve mentioned \u2018unfulfilled needs\u2019 \u2013 you mean the inner, spiritual needs, right?<\/p>\n Perhaps you\u2019ll be surprised, but no. We all have legitimate needs that are physical or emotional. These needs should not be ruled out of the life of a devotee, simply because the devotee is on a spiritual path. Such real needs are legitimate and need to be taken care of. If not, they can develop into great obstacles in our life.<\/p>\n In his book, Caitanya Siksamrita, Srila Bhaktivinode Thakur engages us in this discussion by describing both physical and mental needs. He writes that keeping the body properly nourished through eating and drinking, sleeping and exercise and in times of sickness, adequate medicines, are the fulfilment of physical needs.<\/p>\n Mental needs include elevation of the mind through art and literature, music, charity, social position and so on. He writes as follows:<\/p>\n \u201cIf a person does not follow these rules he cannot pass through life smoothly. By not taking care of these needs the mind will be dominated by sinful thoughts and atheistic attitudes. Finally, men will become no better than a beast. Therefore, these bodily and mental rules are very necessary for success in human life.\u201d<\/p>\n So a mentor is able to help the devotee identify his\/her needs and a practical way to deal with them and stay on the spiritual path.<\/p>\n So is any material desire a \u2018legitimate need?\u2019<\/p>\n Unfortunately not; if that was the case, Krishna consciousness would be very popular indeed! A \u2018legitimate need\u2019 is something that we need to sustain our existence, peace and basic happiness \u2013 and a stable family, neighbourhood and community.<\/p>\n Several thinkers have created \u2018hierarchies of needs\u2019 but they have a tendency to resemble each other. The following are normally included:<\/p>\n Physiological \u2013 Everything needed for physical survival: air, food, water, sex, sleep.<\/p>\n Safety \u2013 the feeling of being \u2018safe,\u2019 or being out of harm\u2019s way, both physically and mentally: security of body, employment, resources, morality, family, health and property.<\/p>\n Love\/Belonging \u2013 Friendship, family, intimacy.<\/p>\n Esteem \u2013 Confidence, achievement, respect.<\/p>\n Self Actualisation \u2013 Morality, creativity, problem-solving, authenticity.<\/p>\n All of these desires, though material, are legitimate in the sense that the Vedas prescribe ways in which they can be satisfied in a regulated and moral manner, and still be part of our journey towards our ultimate goal. However, the very same material desires can also be transcended when one develops a higher taste.<\/p>\n A mentor is charged with the responsibility of helping the devotee discern what are his legitimate and unfulfilled needs that are being inappropriately denied in the name of transcendence, and what needs have already been factually transcended, and can thereby no longer be considered \u2018needs.\u2019 Getting it right may take some time, and there are many mistakes made along the way, but it is all-important for happy and peaceful progress in spiritual life.<\/p>\n How is encouragement used in mentoring?<\/p>\n When a devotee reaches an obstacle in spiritual life it can be a challenging time for them. Quite often an obstacle is the result of some deep-seated attachment. An attachment causes a person to become fearful of giving up the attachment and taking the next step. Fear must be dealt with by courage. The very word encouragement means \u2018to give courage\u2019 and involves reassurance that taking the next step will be a positive move, that they will receive much more than they leave behind, and that the fear they feel is not an unnatural response. Courage implies not that the fear has been removed, but that the person takes the next step even in the presence of fear. Therefore encouragement is a large part of mentoring!<\/p>\n How long does mentoring continue?<\/p>\n The process of mentoring, or offering teaching, spiritual guidance and encouragement, is a natural and permanent part of being a Vaishnava. As one progresses in one\u2019s own spiritual life it is expected that one will be sought out by those coming fresh to bhakti. Even if you don\u2019t particularly seek them out, they will find you \u2013 or Krishna will send them to you!<\/p>\n But in practise we have found that mentoring lasts for as long as it proves helpful to the person concerned. There is something of a tendency for a person to \u2018float\u2019 for some time until they find a mentor who suits them. There is also a tendency for them to leave that same mentor when difficult challenges and tests of spiritual life come along. The reason for this is that the difficult-to-follow guidance comes from the mentor, and sometimes the individual will think: \u201cPerhaps if I have another mentor the advice will be easier.\u201d<\/p>\n It\u2019s not that the mentor is being deliberately \u2018difficult,\u2019 merely that the devotee is in the middle of a turbulent and irresolvable dilemma. Their strong desire for spiritual advancement has now clashed with their lingering desire for some form of material advancement, and in their confusion they excuse themselves from the relationship, find another mentor, only to discover that their new spiritual guide also gives the same advice.<\/p>\n A mentor\u2019s task is to help the devotee through phases of turbulence like this, and to do it again and again as long as they are happy. Yet it is not appropriate for a mentor to allow the devotees in their care to become so comfortable they become casual. A mentor is not meant to be a clucking \u2018mother-hen\u2019 looking after baby chicks \u2013 sometimes strong words or an uncomfortable confrontation is required. Yet neither is it proper for the mentor to be a \u2018sergeant-major,\u2019 constantly ordering the devotee with commanding words and gestures. The mentor must be balanced, and the mentee must understand that when difficulty comes, as it must, it is not caused by the mentor but by himself.<\/p>\n So for greater stability, our general advice to a devotee is to stay as long as possible with a mentor, even if there is some difficulty, at least for six months. And of course, that is the minimum period for a mentor also. Otherwise, if all is working well in their relationship, they can continue without interruption. That will be good training for initiation, a permanent student-teacher relationship.<\/p>\n I\u2019m glad you mentioned initiation; how does that fit into mentoring?<\/p>\n Mentoring fits into initiation! Actually, mentorship is an indispensable part of the initiation process. In one form or another, mentorship has always been a part of a prospective disciple\u2019s path.<\/p>\n Mentoring currently begins \u2013 at least \u2018officially\u2019 shall we say \u2013 when a devotee agrees to chant four rounds of the maha-mantra every day. It can begin much earlier, but because this level indicates a serious commitment it is one that our senior devotees like to have in place before taking someone on as a mentee.<\/p>\n There is a road-map for initiation \u2013 stages of progress along the path \u2013 and the mentor simply helps the prospective disciple move from one to the next. When the mentor sees that his mentee has satisfied all the criteria for becoming initiated he or she will meet with the local temple president and a letter of recommendation can be written to the guru.<\/p>\n You make it sound very simple, but I have read that there are now so many details to the process of initiation. Why is it so complex?<\/p>\n It\u2019s actually quite simple, but appears complex because of the way the path has been broken down into a number of stages. The main principle is to see that the same rules that Srila Prabhupada put in place for disciples living in a temple are followed by every candidate for initiation, no matter who they are, or where they live. Of course, it has also been taken into consideration that their living situation may be different because most disciples in the formative years of the movement did not commute to their places of work, nor did many of them have young children. And though it would be wonderful if every home had a large shrine room with a resident pujari, we know that is impossible for most people. So certain things have been adjusted.<\/p>\n But there seems to be a lot of paperwork these days \u2013 why is that necessary?<\/p>\n There\u2019s more to read when new devotees don\u2019t learn things by living communally with other Vaishnavas. So we\u2019ve produced a booklet on basic Vaishnava etiquette and a booklet on the stages towards initiation. There\u2019s also a handy progress chart to fill in with a simple tick report of daily sadhana.<\/p>\n You know, back in the \u2018good old days\u2019 we used to have hundreds of new devotees coming and going in our communities; they\u2019d stay for some time, sometimes years, then they\u2019d leave. There were no records kept of the service they gave to the movement while they stayed with us. That\u2019s a great shame, because they gave so much. Srila Prabhupada always kept a book into which he wrote the names of his initiated disciples, so these days we keep track of everyone who\u2019s initiated \u2013 and everyone who\u2019s on the path to becoming initiated. That\u2019s a little bit of extra paperwork, but we think it\u2019s worth it.<\/p>\n There is a Disciple Course that the candidates go on now; it gives them all the information they\u2019ll need before initiation, and a short exam that everyone takes. So I suppose if you add it all up there\u2019s more paper, but the result is that new devotees are better prepared, better informed \u2013 and better connected!<\/p>\n (A Booklet prepared by Kripamoya Das in October 2016)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Fifty years on and the movement has grown and changed. The philosophy and practises remain the same, but most of the members do not live in small communal clusters. There is still communal living \u2013 in around 600 locations internationally \u2013 but the majority of ISKCON\u2019s members now live in their own homes, visiting a nearby temple or group if there is one. Preserving Srila Prabhupada\u2019s request for his responsible senior disciples to provide spiritual leadership and to \u2018teach by example\u2019 has needed some careful re-designing for a new and vastly expanded situation. The rapid growth in the movement\u2019s membership is proof of the success of Srila Prabhupada\u2019s messages, but with size often comes greater complexity, and so it has with the challenge of helping others on the spiritual path. Because helping others to grow in spiritual life is as important as initiating them into it, for ISKCON simply to hang on to its membership required a slightly more developed approach.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-43950","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-articles"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43950","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=43950"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43950\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":96522,"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43950\/revisions\/96522"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=43950"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=43950"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=43950"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nToday<\/p>\n
\nHiccups<\/p>\n
\n Nama Ruchi \u2013 a taste for chanting the holy name of Krishna
\n Vaishnava Seva \u2013 service to the Vaishnavas<\/p>\n
\n All experience misery in the same way that I do.
\n If I want to help them I will have to make a determined effort and take concrete measures to help others and eradicate their misery.<\/p>\n
\n Varana dasa or accepting the knowledge and values internally. Taking up a formal commitment to practise under the guidance of an authority.
\n Smarana dasa or remembering and putting it all into practise. Performing sadhana (\u2018the means\u2019 to achieve something) and removing obstacles.
\n Apanna dasa or achieving the results of practise. Assimilation and realisation.
\n Prapanna \/ Sampati dasa or full surrender. Fully entering the \u2018house of bhakti.\u2019<\/p>\n
\n The mentor\/counsellor takes on the observer role and stays in it, not getting lost in the counselee\u2019s \u2018story.\u2019
\n The mentor\/priest prays for permission to help the individual; to be an instrument in God\u2019s hands, through which divine blessings will flow.
\n To recognise the unexpressed and unfulfilled needs of the client. To see things from the other\u2019s perspective.
\n To identify the \u2018story behind the story\u2019 and to encourage the client\/devotee to see the inner story behind their story or life-script.<\/p>\n![\"Hare](\"http:\/\/dandavats.com\/wp-content\/uploads5\/2017-03-14_08-28-25.jpg\")
By Kripamoya Das<\/strong><\/p>\n