by Devaki Devi Dasi<\/p>\n
To transgress the recommendations of vaishnava etiquette always leads to
\ndisturbances, misunderstandings, conflicts and even fall-down. It
\ncontaminates our hearts and the atmosphere in our communities. Krishna tries
\nto protect us from such miseries by giving us His culture and etiquette. And
\na vaishnava has to set a good example by following them. We might think
\nourselves to be beyond those rules and spiritually strong enough not to get
\naffected by such transgression-nevertheless, we have to follow just to set a
\nshining example to others. If we disregard the rules of etiquette, others
\nwill easily follow our bad example and also transgress such recommendations,
\nwhich will result in disturbances and contamination.
\nThe standard of vaishnava etiquette and behavior towards the other gender
\ndeserves special attention, since the man\/woman attraction is so powerful
\nand may create most disturbance. Sex life does not only take place on the
\ngross physical level, but also on the subtle level of the mind. To speak
\nunnecessarily to members of the other gender, to laugh and joke with them
\nand engage in dealings which are not absolutely required for service may be
\nclassified as subtle sex life, because we enjoy in a subtle way the
\nassociation and attention of the other gender. As we all know, Srila
\nPrabhupada gave us the analogy of butter and fire: butter is good and fire
\nis good, but if they come too close, the butter melts. Never mind whether it
\nis old or young butter, white, yellow or saffron butter, whether it is old
\nor young fire, married or unmarried fire-butter is butter, and fire is fire!
\nThey maintain their inert qualities. Thus the two genders should be kept
\nseparately as far as possible and practical. It enhances our spiritual
\nadvancement and keeps the atmosphere more pure. In fact, the more we keep
\nour personal spiritual practice strict and pure, the more we can be
\nempowered to preach. Purity is the force. But if we compromise the standards
\nand allow free mingling to enter our life, we will remain on a lower level
\nof spiritual advancement and thus will not be able to uplift others.
\nWe can find this understanding in all genuine spiritual practices. Strictly
\npracticing Christians, Muslims, and Buddhists agree with the understanding,
\nthat the man\/woman attraction distracts us from God. Most monasteries are
\neither for men or women-not for both genders. Srila Prabhupada was so
\nliberal to arrange men’s and women’s ashramas under the same roof, because
\nhe could understand that in modern life there is free mingling of the
\ngenders. But at the same time he emphasized vaishnava etiquette between men
\nand women-for our own protection, wellbeing and spiritual advancement.<\/p>\n
On a morning walk in Chicago on July 10, 1075, Srila Prabhupada explains
\nthis aspect of vaishnava culture-even in regards to family relations:
\n“The example is the butter and fire should be kept separate as far as…
\nOtherwise the butter will melt. Matra svasra duhitra va [SB 9.19.17]. The
\nbutter and…, means man and woman. A man is butter, and woman is fire. So
\nthis is restricted even the man happens to be father, brother or son. Matra
\nsvasra duhitra va. People cannot think of sex impulse in the presence of
\ndaughter, mother or sister. But shastra says “No. There is possibility.”
\nMatra svasra duhitra va na vivaktasane vaset: “They should not be kept,
\nshould not sit together.” Then people may say, “This is impossible. Maybe
\nsome tenth-class rascal may be attracted.” So the next line says, “No,”
\nvidvamshapi karshati, “it is not the question of tenth-class rascal; even
\nfirst-class learned, he may be attracted.” Not to speak of tenth-class
\nrascal, but first-class learned may be. Not may be. It is a… Balavan
\nindriya-gramo vidvamshapi karshati: “The senses are so strong that it can
\nmislead even the most learned scholar.”
\nIn a lecture on Srimad-Bhagavatam 7.1.6 given in Mumbai on April 17, 1976,
\nhe further explains:
\n“With woman you should be very, very cautious and careful, as much as
\nrequired, not free mingling. No. Therefore, according to Vedic civilization,
\nthere is always a separation between woman and men. Here in India we find
\nthat whenever there is some meeting, the women are sitting separately; men
\nare sitting separately. This is required. Not only that, you cannot talk
\neven with woman unnecessarily, even with your wife. This is restriction.
\nTherefore it is said, yavad-artham vyavaharet: “as much as it is required.”
\nDon’t talk unnecessarily, “Phish, phish, phish.” That is very dangerous.
\nDangerous means in spiritual life. Yavad-artham. Even with your mother, with
\nyour daughter, with your sister, you cannot sit in a solitary place and
\ntalk. This is restricted. What to speak of others, even with your mother.”<\/p>\n
Once we gain this understanding, which is of course entirely opposite to the
\nmodern materialistic world view, it becomes obvious that in order to make
\nspiritual advancement in Krishna consciousness, there is not much room for
\nfriendship between men and women. We keep such association to the bare
\nminimum required to perform our service, and otherwise maintain a respectful
\ndistance to each other. This is how we show our affection and respect
\ntowards each other: we don’t want to distract each other from our attention
\nto the Lord. This doesn’t mean we are impersonal with each other. No, we
\nsimply have to learn to relate on different levels.
\nVaishnava culture and etiquette is designed to reduce the fever of lusty
\ndesires and cool down the men-woman attraction. It is Krishna’s system to
\nprotect us from trouble, pain and miseries. We can observe how our high
\ndivorce rate in ISKCON is related to transgressing vaishnava etiquette. Very
\noften a husband may separate from his wife by getting together with her best
\nfriend, and vice versa. As a rule, it starts by disregarding the rules of
\netiquette and playing with fire, which then leads to unwanted attachments
\nand illicit relationships.
\nIn some parts of the world it has become common practice in Krishna
\nconsciousness for men to hug ladies and vice versa. Sometimes we may find
\nthis going on even under the name of preaching. Such practice is not
\nconducive for spiritual progress. Rather, it is subtle sex life. It shows
\nthat we have unfulfilled needs, which are meant to be satisfied within
\nfamily life. Even in the secular world it is established, that a man and
\nwoman hugging each other for longer than a minute brings about a similar
\nchemical reaction and sensation experienced after sex life.
\nBetter to be honest and situate oneself in the grhastha ashrama. Thus we can
\nfulfill our needs according to the recommendations of shastra, accept
\nresponsibility and perform the purifying duties prescribed for this ashrama.
\nThis is the recommended way for spiritual progress. To try and bypass such
\nseemingly cumbersome austerities by fulfilling one’s emotional and physical
\nneeds in a scripturally unauthorized way will not lead to success on the
\npath of devotional service. We will merely cheat ourselves and create
\ndisturbance for others.
\nEven within devotional service it is recommended to always try to arrange
\nthings in such a way to minimize the association between both genders. It is
\nan important principle within spiritual practice. In situations where it
\ncannot be avoided, it is advisable to be alert in fear, always remembering
\nthat we are taking a conscious risk for the sake of serving or preaching.
\nWhen alert in fear, we can be introspective in order to guard against the
\nspirit of sense gratification. We reflect, not allowing ourselves to enjoy
\nthe attention and company of the other gender. Detecting such tendencies for
\nsubtle sense gratification in our hearts, we may regret and be extra careful
\nand self-observant. In this way a sincere devotee can be protected.
\nWhen the need arises for a man to meet with a lady in discussion over
\nservice, the spouse of one of them should be present. If this is not
\npossible, any other third person should be there. If such an arrangement can
\nalso not be made, then to the very least the meeting should take place in
\npublic or with the door open. Even a little detail such as keeping the door
\nopen makes a subtle yet powerful difference. These are the rules of
\nvaishnava etiquette, and it is highly recommended to strictly follow
\nthem-even if it is only as an example to others.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Devaki Devi Dasi: To transgress the recommendations of vaishnava etiquette always leads to disturbances, misunderstandings, conflicts and even fall-down. It contaminates our hearts and the atmosphere in our communities.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[93],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-65113","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog-thoughts"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/65113","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=65113"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/65113\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":65115,"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/65113\/revisions\/65115"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=65113"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=65113"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=65113"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}