{"id":75514,"date":"2019-06-05T09:06:16","date_gmt":"2019-06-05T07:06:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/?p=75514"},"modified":"2019-06-05T09:09:22","modified_gmt":"2019-06-05T07:09:22","slug":"in-search-of-utopia","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/?p=75514","title":{"rendered":"In Search of Utopia"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i.imgur.com\/ITLAwgJ.jpg\" alt=\"\" \/><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/plugins\/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2FDevoteeCareSeminars%2Fvideos%2F1187207148126370%2F&#038;show_text=1&#038;width=560\" width=\"560\" height=\"458\" style=\"border:none;overflow:hidden\" scrolling=\"no\" frameborder=\"0\" allowTransparency=\"true\" allow=\"encrypted-media\" allowFullScreen=\"true\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>Many devotees get discouraged when they encounter conflict in their relationships. <\/p>\n<p>\u201cHey, it\u2019s not supposed to be like this\u2026\u201d <\/p>\n<p>\u201cI joined Krishna Consciousness to escape from all this!\u201d <\/p>\n<p>We whinge, we whine and wax on; but it changes nothing.<\/p>\n<p>Although our Utopian ideals sound noble, they can often leave us frustrated and disappointed. They can also result in us becoming negative and impersonal in our dealings. Srila Prabhupada warned about this tendency in a letter to Atreya Rsi dasa in 1972.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSo we shall not expect that anywhere there is any Utopia. Rather, that is impersonalism. People should not expect that even in the Krishna Consciousness Society there will be Utopia. Because devotees are persons, therefore there will always be some lacking \u2013 but despite everything they may do, their topmost intention is to serve Krishna.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Many look towards Vaisnava couples whose relationships have passed the test of time and muse naively, \u201cOh, they must get on all the time. I bet they never argue.\u201d We don\u2019t want to burst any bubbles here, but\u2026 we dare you&#8230; just go and ask them!<\/p>\n<p>The reality is that even the most successful marriages have upsets. <\/p>\n<p>But there\u2019s no need to get discouraged.  The good news is that the difference lies in how couples work together to deal with these inevitable, real-life challenges\u2026and that is something that can be easily learned; it\u2019s not rocket science! <\/p>\n<p>The truth is, all couples struggle, even the ones that don\u2019t look like they do. What we haven\u2019t been taught is that the struggle \u2014 even a tough and messy struggle \u2014 is an opportunity to lean into commitment, rather than check out and end the relationship. (Nasreen Gulamhusein)<\/p>\n<p>When you are equipped with clear intentions and have the right tools at your disposal, you can effortlessly work your way through to the other side of any conflict that may come your way. <\/p>\n<p>The following extract from the introduction to our book\u2026 Relationship Rescue Remedy, explains the moment when my husband and I recognized that over the course of our married life we had gradually, albeit unconsciously, developed a simple formula for successfully resolving the inevitable misunderstandings and conflicts that accompany any relationship.<\/p>\n<p>The Birth of the Relationship Rescue Remedy<\/p>\n<p>It was around 2:30 am one winter morning when the Five Drop Rescue Remedy was born. Of course it didn\u2019t have the catchy title then. Actually, my husband and I were in the middle of a \u2018meltdown\u2019. Yes, you heard right. It was a meltdown at 2:30 in the morning! But what was worse, or even darkly funny, was that it happened in the middle of our first session of trying to complete a book together about successful Grihastha life. Our book, entitled, \u2018The Grihastha Journey\u2019 was envisioned as a comprehensive manual, gleaned from over 40 years of practical experience. We were determined and enthusiastic to write this book amid our hectic schedules as teachers, thus the \u2018earlier than early\u2019 rising schedule.<\/p>\n<p>So, there we sat, enveloped in tension, with time ticking carelessly away and the two lower modes of nature wreaking their havoc upon us. Our struggle stemmed mainly from our very discordant styles of how to approach the task. My husband\u2019s approach to a given task is very logical and linear, while I lean heavily on creativity and spontaneity &#8211; raring to go, but finding it hard to tune into the routine minutiae required. We always joke that it is lucky we never had an astrological compatibility chart done or we would have definitely flunked.<\/p>\n<p>You will be relieved to know that we worked to the other side of our conflict, as we always do, and have done for the last 40 years! However, we had just used up our precious writing period and were now feeling the frustration of time wasted. Or was it? <\/p>\n<p>It was at this juncture that we realised that the process of how we worked through our conflicts could be a useful formula. We had consistently found when counselling couples, that they either had few, or very ineffective, tools to solve their misunderstandings. We began to see how our experience in effectively solving conflicts could be both valid and useful.<\/p>\n<p>Consequently, on that fateful, chilly morning our enthusiasm was diverted to working out the steps we used to solve all those upsets and conflicts over the years. We quickly discovered that the process had a definite structure; one that had gradually evolved and matured into a formula. <\/p>\n<p>At this point, we concluded that a different book was required; one with a focus on urgently needed communication skills, specifically how to solve conflicts.  Enter \u2018Relationship Rescue Remedy\u2019, a time-tested, uncomplicated recipe that will help you to easily dissolve conflicts.<\/p>\n<p>These conflicts, both big and small, are the ones that eat away at the very fibre of our most cherished relationships. We have observed the impact of destroyed relationships within our ISKCON society, and the effect this has had on devotees\u2019 spiritual and material lives. We have also witnessed the legacy of these consequences spilling over to second and now third generations; the children Srila Prabhupada confidently labelled as our \u2018future hope\u2019.<\/p>\n<p>But there is no need to get depressed. Acknowledging such serious social implications can and should be a positive motivating force for change. We are confident that using the effective conflict resolution strategies outlined in our \u2018Relationship Rescue Remedy\u2019 can help turn the tide on this disturbing trend.<\/p>\n<p>The key point to remember here is\u2026<\/p>\n<p>If dealt with and resolved properly, conflicts are not only normal and healthy &#8211; but they have the power to strengthen us and bring us even closer.<\/p>\n<p>Why it Matters So Much!<\/p>\n<p>You might think that having what you consider to be an \u2018Okay relationship\u2019 with your spouse is OK\u2026 but I\u2019m going to suggest that it\u2019s not Okay! Frankly speaking, if that\u2019s our current thinking, chances are the vast majority of us will end up settling for less than Okay relationships.<\/p>\n<p>Isn\u2019t that how everything else in life works? Unless we aim for extraordinary (great) relationships, the reality will be less than satisfactory.<\/p>\n<p>As devotees we have made a commitment to work towards becoming great souls. Why should we lessen our expectations in the relationships department?<\/p>\n<p>Unfortunately a large majority of devotees still hold the misconception that the acceptable standard of excellence for our Grihastha ashram is to have a mediocre relationship; translation &#8211; to weather the storm for around 25 years and come out the other side, still in one piece. It appears that our societal expectation for successful family life hasn\u2019t progressed much from those early days, when the best relationship training programs offered, were \u2018The Hopes and Horrors of Household Life\u2019 or the equally dismal \u2018Survival in The Grihastha Ashrama\u2019.<\/p>\n<p>In recent years, with the desire to reverse negative trends, we have seen ISKCON leadership making concerted efforts to cultivate and expect high standards of excellence from both the Brahmacari and Sannyasa ashrams.<\/p>\n<p>The word is out that excellence is the way to go. But what about the other 95% of ISKCON\u2019s membership- our Grihastha ashram? Will aiming for Okay make them happy, will it provide an inspiring example for their children to emulate? I don\u2019t think so!<\/p>\n<p>We encourage devotees to think of this little book as a practical first aid kit. It will give you five simple steps or \u2018potent drops\u2019 that will enable you to quickly clear away any festering conflicts and deeply enrich your relationships. <\/p>\n<p>Although our book is written mainly in the context of marital interactions, it doesn\u2019t take much to discern that the tools and strategies we present can be applied successfully in any relationship dynamic.<\/p>\n<p>We are currently giving away copies of our book (you only have to pay for shipping and handling)<\/p>\n<p>To get your copy visit: <\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/devoteecare.com\">http:\/\/devoteecare.com<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i.imgur.com\/ITLAwgJ.jpg\" alt=\"\" \/><img src= \"https:\/\/i.imgur.com\/o7gRlay.jpg\" \/>The word is out that excellence is the way to go. But what about the other 95% of ISKCON\u2019s membership- our Grihastha ashram? Will aiming for Okay make them happy, will it provide an inspiring example for their children to emulate? I don\u2019t think so!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[118],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-75514","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-recent-media"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/75514","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=75514"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/75514\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":75518,"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/75514\/revisions\/75518"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=75514"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=75514"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=75514"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}