{"id":85583,"date":"2020-05-10T03:44:16","date_gmt":"2020-05-10T01:44:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dandavats.tumblr.com\/post\/150904863406"},"modified":"2020-05-10T03:44:16","modified_gmt":"2020-05-10T01:44:16","slug":"mothers-and-kids-it-is-an-odd-development-of-the-modern-world-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/?p=85583","title":{"rendered":"Mothers and Kids"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-37409\" src=\"http:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/wp-content\/uploads6\/tumblr_oe21tgRduw1sbj0vuo1_500.jpg\" width=\"500\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/tumblr_oe21tgRduw1sbj0vuo1_500.jpg 500w, https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/tumblr_oe21tgRduw1sbj0vuo1_500-234x187.jpg 234w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Mothers and Kids.<br \/>\nIt is an odd development of the modern world that being excessively anxious about our children is considered a virtue. We consider ourselves good parents if we make life easy for them, reward them for the smallest achievement, and are anxious for their safety and well being at all times.<br \/>\nThere is, however, a hidden message in all of this anxious attention and it\u2019s not good. As a teacher and school principal for 20 years, I saw all kinds of kids and all kinds of parents. For those who had confidence in their child, their child did great. Those who worried, who expressed that worry regularly, who tried to \u2018fix\u2019 every challenge the child had \u2013 their children had a weak sense of self. The hidden message was clear \u2013 \u201cMy parents are worried because they think I am not competent, I\u2019m not capable.\u201d<br \/>\nBeing a mother is not easy. But it\u2019s not that hard either. It is said that if a child has a self-assured and guiding adult in their life, they will grow up to be self-assured and self-guiding adults. Mothering means being there, but also not being there. It is patience, it is trusting that the child will figure it out, and it is watching from a distance as they do so.<br \/>\nThere are many aspects to good mothering, but this one is key. We have to give our children the skills and emotional strength to make it through life by letting them experience and learn through real life. And that means letting them experience their own struggles. If we smother them, if we overly fret and protect, then we extinguish the fire of trust and competence. It\u2019s a fine line, but we need to have the maturity and wisdom to make the call. <br \/>\nThis famous poem can also inspire us be the balanced and stable parents our children need us to be:<br \/>\nYour children are not your children.<br \/>\nThey are the sons and daughters of Life\u2019s longing for itself.<br \/>\nThey come through you but not from you,<br \/>\nAnd though they are with you yet they belong not to you.<br \/>\nYou may give them your love but not your thoughts,<br \/>\nFor they have their own thoughts.<br \/>\nYou may house their bodies but not their souls,<br \/>\nFor their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,<br \/>\nwhich you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.<br \/>\nYou may strive to be like them,<br \/>\nbut seek not to make them like you.<br \/>\nFor life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.<br \/>\nYou are the bows from which your children<br \/>\nas living arrows are sent forth.<br \/>\nThe archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,<br \/>\nand He bends you with His might<br \/>\nthat His arrows may go swift and far.<br \/>\nLet your bending in the archer\u2019s hand be for gladness;<br \/>\nFor even as He loves the arrow that flies,<br \/>\nso He loves also the bow that is stable.<br \/>\n\u2013 On Children by Kahlil Gibran<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/66.media.tumblr.com\/ee1935fd984bf22b244bc89b4f7ae4c1\/tumblr_oe21tgRduw1sbj0vuo1_500.jpg\"><\/p>\n<p>Mothers and Kids.<br \/>\nIt is an odd development of the modern world that being excessively anxious about our children is considered a virtue. We consider ourselves good parents if we make life easy for them, reward them for the smallest achievement, and are anxious for their safety and well being at all times.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10650,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[118],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-85583","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-recent-media"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/85583","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/10650"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=85583"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/85583\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=85583"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=85583"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dandavats.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=85583"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}