Partha sarathi Dasa: Recently Mahatma Das and Vikasa Swami submitted articles discussing ‘The Husband as Guru’. I felt compelled to respond, as both articles spoke to me personally and instructively.
Mahatma Das begins his article seemingly opposing Srila Prabhupada. He states “Even though Prabhupada writes that a failed marriage is usually the woman’s fault, if a woman has a good husband, she will stay loyal.” His article then speaks to husbands, advising them to be spiritually strong and affectionate to avoid frustration and possible break-ups.
Concerning the reference in question, Srila Prabhupada writes in the purport of SB 4:4:3, “Generally, separation between husband and wife is due to womanly behavior…. Sometimes there may be misunderstandings between husband and wife, as found even in such an elevated family relationship as that of Satī and Lord Śiva, but a wife should not leave her husband’s protection because of such a misunderstanding. “ We can understand here that Srila Prabhupada, out of concern that women remain protected, encourages us to ignore misunderstandings that naturally arise between husband and wife. Prabhupada emphasises that divorce laws are not acceptable in Vedic society and writes this purport to avoid frustration and possible break-ups.
The mood and purpose of Mahatma Das’s article appears to reflect and support Srila Prabhupada’s mood of compassion and understanding, prevalent in this purport.
We want devotees in ISKCON to be happy. We want happily married couples with happy children. Being overlorded by an overly demanding spouse is not happiness and I feel this is the sincere message of Mahatma Das. In the Bhagavatam Prabhupada is talking of misunderstandings which is different to a serious fault in one’s mentality that causes distress to others. Lord Siva wanted to protect his wife from the humiliation at the sacrifice. She didn’t understand that fully and so left his protection. Srila Prabhupada, however, did not expect husbands to arrogantly assume the position of guru, or for anyone to blindly follow a leader intoxicated by false ego. At least, understanding my husband’s conditioned nature would help me to tolerate it intelligently, as Mandodari understood Ravana’s fault and spoke to him accordingly.
Vikasa Swami draws our attention further to a very interesting clue given by Srila Prabhupada. “When the wife becomes as irritable as the husband, their life at home is sure to be disturbed or ultimately completely broken. …According to the Vedic law, there is no such thing as divorce laws, and a woman must be trained to be submissive to the will of her husband. Westerners contend that this is a slave mentality for the wife, but factually it is not; it is the tactic by which a woman can conquer the heart of her husband, however irritable or cruel he may be.” Srila Prabhupada is giving a factual, psychological hint that a submissive wife conquers the heart of a man. Its quite brilliant!! And perhaps we could say scientific. And it satisfies all parties. The husband is served, …and conquered at the same time.! Yes, we all want to be loved completely. Neither of us wants to be artificially lorded over.
Srila Prabhupada, the most benevolent father, gives women clues how to be happy. The principle is there and it is present in both articles. Most people respond incredibly favourably to a little submissive service; which is possibly easier for women, being more likely to see both sides. Thank you. Hare Krishna