By Devaki Devi Dasi
In the first week of July we launched the course “Giving and Accepting Shelter” in the yatra of Kishiniev, the capital of Moldova. It was well attended with around seventy devotees assembling on six evenings for two and half hours, eagerly absorbing themselves in the discussions and personal sharing exercises in pairs. The temple president had arranged for everyone to receive the printed materials as a spiral handbook with a nice front cover. Many young people had shown interest in Krsna consciousness over the last year and were now attending this seminar. Also many senior devotees were there, eager to receive deeper insights into this most important topic. They had been serving as mentors and councelors and were now eager to hear how they could qualify themselves more in this most important way of serving the devotees.
We spent considerable time discussing the necessary qualifications in order to be able to give shelter. Once we clearly understand these qualifications, then we will be able to recognise who is qualified to give shelter to us, and secondly which qualities we should strive for in order to eventually be abe to give shelter to others. After all, the Garuda Purana states that unless one shows mercy to those in an inferior position, one’s life will be superficial. And we don’t want to forever live a superficial live with superficial relationships.
In order to become a good care giver we first of all have to be sheltered ourselves. This is of the greatest importance. We cannot give anything to others which we don’t have ourselves. The more firmly we are sheltered, the more we can reach out to others and give shelter. Our shelter should not simply be a formality – in name only, but deeply accepted within our heart. We need at least one confidential and trusting relationship in our life in which we desire to be corrected and disciplined – only then it is a truly sheltering relationship. We live to be corrected. With this motto we will always continue to transform ourselves. As long as we try to avoid correction and discipline we have not taken shelter. At times this correction might be a little painful for our false ego, but it will be a sweet pain – almost like the flavor of a spicy and sweet chutney. Correction can be viewed as a very intimate and personal loving exchange. We allow this person to touch very sensitive points within our heart, which we would not so easily allow just anybody to address. But from this person we will accept it, because we know that he/she has no other interest except helping us in our spiritual progress.
Furthermore, as a mentor and care giver we
* should have a nice understanding of the philosophy and practice of Krsna consciousness. No need to be a great learned preacher. However, we should have a clear understanding of the philosophy and it’s application in our daily life.
* should have been active within ISKCON for a reasonable length of time. Since the time factor is a rather external criteria in order to measure our advancement and maturity within spiritual practice, it will have to be judged individually.
* should be able to give balanced advice according to time, place and circumstance. And in order to be able to give balanced advice we ourselves have to be balanced in our spiritual practice.
* should not have the tendency for taking extreme and controversial positions on issues. Such tendency would indicate that we are not well balanced. Usually it is connected with the influence of our false ego: any great idea can be taken to extremes if the false ego pushes us to promote it as the only way to be. Then we become fanatic, or a fundamentalist with a kanistha mentality, which will disqualify us in giving shelter to others.
* should be mature and sober. As a mentor we cannot be whimsical, but have to be serious and committed within our service and spiritual practice.
* should demonstrate a good standard of sadhana, etiquette, behavior and commitment to serving the mission of Srila Prabhupada. This is a rather compact criteria. It implies that setting a good example in all regards is one of the main ways how a mentor instructs, inspires and serves others. Seeing good role models instills faith and inspiration to follow the process of devotional service strictly. Furthermore, good sadhana gives us the spiritual strength to accept responsiblity for the spiritual lives of others. It will empower us with the ability to clearly discriminate and to act from the transcendental platform. Ideally, our sadhana should be visible in order to keep ourselves above suspicion. Especially our example in regards to behavior and etiquette with the other gender is of great importance. Mentors have to show a strict example in this regard in order to inspire young devotees to follow it, especially in these modern days where free mixing has become very common. Good behavior and Vaisnava etiquette is the foundation to a peaceful and harmonious atmosphere within the community of devotees. So many social disturbances such as divorce are sprouting up due to not following Vaisnava etiquette.
* should be willing to extend ourself to help others and have the spirit of sacrifice. We should be compassionate and have a genuine and selfless concern for the welfare of devotees. This attitude of selflessly sacrificing our energy for the upliftment of others will make us into a very good care giver. Nevertheless, this selfless mood of service should not be sentimental or emotional, but should be based on our ability to discriminate whether the person does receive spiritual benefit. After all, we don’t want to get caught up in simply giving emotional attention to devotees without having it lead to spiritual upliftment. Sometimes devotees are simply attention-seekers and are not really interested in following guidance and advice. We will have to be able to set our borders and avoid getting unnecessarily entangled in emotional affairs, which will not lead to any spiritual upliftment. At the same time we have to know our own limits and not over-estimate our spiritual strength, so that we don’t take on more than we can handle.
* should be a good listener – able to listen to people we are trying to serve, and be a good communicator. Unless we have this ability it will be difficult for people to reveal their mind and open their heart to us. A trusting relationship is very much based on good communication.
* should be stably situated within our own ashram. This is indeed an important point, which is not so commonly recognised. It once again shows how the ashrams are a part of Krsna’s Divine system to give us the necessary stability in order to be selfless in our service. Being a selfless care giver means, that we don’t even expect the most subtle gratification in return for our service. It implies that we should have healthy and appropriate ways of fulfilling our financial, emotional and managerial needs and thus never use our dependants for those needs. Unless we are stably situated in one of the ashrams, this condition will not be fulfilled. There will be some unfulfilled needs, which very easily enter the relationship in which we are meant to give shelter. But then our dependants become the source of our own subtle or gross fulfillments, which will not make us selfless any longer and easily bring about a clash of interest: our material needs clash with the spiritual needs of our dependants. And thus our attempt to give shelter will be spoiled.
* As a care giver we also have to have sheltering and confidential relationships with equals and seniors. This will give us the necessary correction, purification and nourishment we need in order to be a good shelter giver. Trusting and harmonious relationships with our peers are especially purifying, since in those relationships we will show how much of a true servant we are, or whether we are trying to establish ourselves in a superior position. Envy and competition easily enter our relationships with peers, which brings to the very surface our most subtle forms of envy from the most hidden and secret corners of our heart.
* As a care giver we also need to regularly recharge our spiritual strength. Unless this takes place, we can easily become spiritually weak. It implies that we regularly take time out for seclusion, extra reading and chanting, senior association, uplifting seminars and retreats, etc. The bhakti lata needs to be nourished ongoingly, otherwise it easily dries up and dwindles, and it will never bear the fruits of pure devotion. We easily fall into the trap of considering ourselves too busy with most important services and not replaceable by any other devotees. And thus we may not notice our lack for ongoing nourishement, and as a result we become stagnant in our spiritual development. Our material attachments will increase, and conflicts will disturb our life. We might even fall away altogether from spiritual practice.
In our attempts to cultivate sheltering relationships we are bound to encounter some difficulties – no doubt. This is so, because our most subtle anarthas will be exposed and come to the surface. Giving and accepting shelter is a most effective churning process – for the purification of everyone involved.
At the final closing ceremony of this course the attending devotees shared heart-moving realizations, recognizing how external and superficial their understanding of taking shelter had been. And it greatly inspired them to endeavor to increase their qualification in order to give shelter to younger devotees. It gave everyone clear goals and targets to work towards. Otherwise, what is the use of all our efforts to bring new people to Krsna consciousness, if we are not able to give them shelter?! Our spiritual development very much depends on our ability to cultivate sheltering relationships. Attracting a senior devotee’s interest in our spiritual development is the true meaning of getting the mercy of a Vaisnava….
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Your servant, Devaki dd