Madhumati Pushkarini Dd: The choice to keep my eyes open is always there. But I prefer to shut them and remain in darkness. That darkness which envelops my mind and intellect and convinces me that ignorance is indeed bliss. Time and again I make this choice, the choice to remain in ignorance. It is almost an expertise that I have achieved! An expertise that is achieved with practice and with conscientious choice. So what are the opportunities given to me? In abundance I am given opportunities to express my gratitude to a multitude of entities to whom I owe my existence. I am given myriad opportunities to appreciate others who strive hard to make this world a better place for others including myself. I am given opportunities also to participate in that process. But I choose to shut my eyes as soon as an opportunity comes by. I choose to turn my face away at the prospect of giving someone the credit of something good that is happening or thanking someone who has silently prayed for my well-being. Instead I rejoice to celebrate in darkness; rejoice at others failures and rejoice at being alone at the top not thinking even once that it could get lonely up there. How could it get lonely? After all there is someone who is always making a similar choice. The choice to remain in ignorance.
The irony of it all is that many of us are comfortable in the shelter of this ignorance and firmly believe that it is absolutely normal to compete, to race, to gossip, to backbite, to hurt, to yell and to kill. The sense of comfort mostly comes from our deep rooted assumption that there is no other choice which in turn comes from the belief that we owe our achievements to none but every other person is responsible for our failures. We inflict pain and hurt on others by choice without considering the consequences.
This world seems to be designed in a way that choosing to remain in ignorance seems very natural and effortless. The very defining quality of this ignorance begins with thanklessness and ingratitude. The choice of taking the credit of our achievements as purely our own, achieved through our fascinating intelligence indeed seems natural. How can anyone be responsible for that? Definitely not God, who resides in the oblivion!
As small children, my siblings and I were taught to express our gratitude in the form of prayers to Lord Krishna, to elders and even to the holy Tulasi plant. But as we grew, the world outside seemed promising and attracted us to ‘rational thinking’ and convinced us that expressing our gratitude to God or anyone in relation to Him is merely an act of superstition. Modern formal education given in schools and colleges fuels a sense of false pride, a sense of heightened achievement, a sense of know-all. It highlights the carrot and stick formula and keeps us busy in a race that is never ending. There is no time nor inclination to express our gratitude to anyone on the way. The experience of darkness begins even before we realize that we are in the dark. Everyone seems to be in the same darkness. And this darkness chases us or maybe we chase this darkness! So it happened for us too. Chasing that darkness meant achieving some goals that reassured us of our abilities without giving any credit to anyone else.
When I first read Srila Prabhupada’s book ‘Easy Journey to Other Planets’, it felt as if my sweet, dark world was disturbed. For the first time it felt insignificant to be a resident of this planet earth! Srila Prabhupada threw, as it were, a spotlight on my ignorance and the ignorance of my world. In his unique stern yet compassionate way he showed that expressing your gratitude to others beginning with Lord Krishna is not all that a bad proposition. I then read in the Bhagavad gita, where Lord Krishna confirms with no ambiguity that this world is a miserable place, wrapped in darkness and ignorance. It is a place that is designed to put all of us into anxiety and remain unhappy since it has envy, pride, gossip, and passion as its pillars. With this kind of foundation, pain for all the residents of this world is inevitable. Deeply intrigued with this kind of a design, I decided to study the Gita systematically and found out that Lord Krishna has deliberately designed the world in this manner so as to question our sufferings, seek answers and finally turn to Him. Suddenly my world started changing. Or did I just start opening my eyes? The world that was wrapped in thick blankets of ignorance suddenly started becoming bare and revealed as it was.
I realized that the material world offered me what I chose to experience. I became aware of the threads that pulled and pushed me like a puppet; the threads that were controlled by the powerful energy of Lord Krishna. I also theoretically started observing that there is more to me than what I can see. A whole new inner world was exposed and gradually the turbulent world inside and outside was reconciled with a new hope, a hope of a world that promised eternal happiness, a world that was resplendent with irresistibly sweet pastimes of Lord Krishna. The choice became not just easier but also more obvious. Srila Prabhupada alone could help me see that there was a choice in the first place and then even gave a higher sense of discretion to make the choice. The presence of Krishna had just made the same erstwhile dark and miserable world, inside and outside, full of hope and light.
I had heard the story in my childhood of Kanaka Dasa, a Madhva saint, who was born in an apparently low caste and was often scorned at and ridiculed by the so called Brahmins. His Guru Vyasa Deva Raya, however, was an exalted devotee of Lord Krishna and understood spiritual matters deeply. He could clearly see that beneath the superficial designations of caste and creed lay the eternal soul that could be realized by someone who surrendered himself or herself to Lord Krishna not only with the body but also with the mind, intelligence and most importantly the ego that identified itself with these false designations. He would often test the level of surrender that his disciples had. Once when all his students had gathered in an assembly, Vyasa Deva Raya asked them in a humorous yet challenging way if any one among them was eligible to reach the abode of Lord Krishna. All the disciples started presenting the various austerities, penances and scholarship that they had achieved to make them eligible. But none of them were bold enough to take up the challenge. It was then that Kanaka Dasa declared very boldly in front of his teacher and fellow students ‘I will go if I choose to go!’ All the disciples were shocked and amazed at Kanaka Dasa’s audacity. But only Vyasa Deva Raya could understand what the purport of Kanaka Dasa’s statement was. He then explained that Kanaka Dasa meant to say that if all of us choose to let go of the ‘I’ that indicated the false ego, then perhaps that was a good chance that we may actually go to the Lord’s eternal abode.
This story has a valuable lesson to be learnt in the matter of choice. The experiences that we get in this world are miserable and at each step we may make choices that hurt. If we choose to shut our eyes, then we will invariably suffer. We may choose to believe that we are invincible but with the current Covid 19 pandemic, it is abundantly clear that we are helpless in front of a microscopic virus! Srila Prabhupada has very lovingly implored us to open our eyes and make conscious choices. Through his books, he has successfully achieved to open many an eye to see the dark world as it is and seek light. He emphasized on rising over the bodily designations such as caste, religion, color, etc. again and again. Yet people chose to shut their eyes. When I see people ready to kill each other to prove the supremacy of their religion or their God, I feel the chill of the darkness that covers their hearts and that is threatening to cover the world.
Forgetfulness is another constant feature of this world and unless I am reminded often, I still choose to shut my eyes. Immense gratitude but naturally flows towards this saint Srila Prabhupada who never stops to amaze us with his deep compassion for each one of us. I pray that I don’t close my eyes to his instructions and continue to express my gratitude to him every single day by choosing to be a part of his movement and serving all those who are serving him in his selfless mission of opening people’s eyes and hearts to welcome the message of the Bhagavad Gita.