By Karnamrita Das
Do you do this? Occasionally or habitually? As a general rule I would say this is not a good practice. I have counseled couples where one of the partners said yes when they meant no, and their marriage didn’t last a year.
We can’t please everyone or avoid difficulties by avoiding the truth of who we are–though we are not the body, we have to acknowledge its nature. This doesn’t mean that we will have no unpleasant duties if we are honest about our feelings, yet we will live more authentically. It also doesn’t mean we agree to unnecessary sensual desires, or avoid getting up early or chanting because we don’t feel like it. There is some inconvenience in spiritual life, but that is a different thing than I am speaking about.
Basically we have to understand our material self on the path of understanding our soul. As the saying goes, “To thy own self be true”–though I would add–but do so in the service of who you really are spiritually. The whole Bhagavad-gita is based on this principle. For older devotees this is old news, yet without hearing such things from those of us who have had a lot of experience in the school of hard knocks, newer devotees may fall victum to trying to ignoring their nature in the name of makings spiritual advancement–or “surrendering”.
A basic example of saying yes when we mean no would be agreeing to do something we don’t want to and then begrudgingly doing it. Worse would be that you are so used to agreeing, that you forget what you really want or who you really are. Then there is the easy way out, as when we are asked to attend some function, and we say “I will try”.
Growing up in an alcoholic family I learned to yes when I didn’t really want to at a young age, and most of my adult life I have had to work at changing this self denying habit. As a child in a hostile environment so much of our behavior is reactionary, survival, or both.
I unconsciously learned as a child that if I spoke up to be myself I got slapped. Therefore I adopted to be hyper vigilant to determine the mood of my father so as not to displease him. In this mood I sometimes agreed I had done things I didn’t, and was always afraid to admit things I did. Hows that for confusion?
A defining moment of my childhood–as I now see it–was having to testify at the divorce court which parent I wanted to live with. My father was a violent drunk who I was scared of, while my mom was the nurturer, yet I “happily” testified that I wanted to live with my father.
I know this happened only because many years later my father used to tell me how proud and happy he was that I wanted to live him. Yet, although I was sixteen, I have no memory of this occasion. That is how contrary to me it was. I see it as giving away my power and who I was. Years later, my mom told me, that my father had threated to kill both of us if she got custody of me, so I guess it was a good thing I chose my father! Had I known that at the time, it might not have had such an negative effect on my life–or enabled me to come to Krishna!
The intense misery of my childhood was a catalyst to come to Krishna only because of my past life background of Bhakti. My attitude of submission though more reactionary than spiritually realized served me when I lived in the Temple community, though eventually I had to learn who I was in the body and act accordingly. Submission and surrender have an apparent and realized side. A struggle for new devotees is wanting to live the ideal of the soul, yet having to deal with psycho-physical necessities, and (alas we might sigh) material desires.
If our physical life is such a painful state we want to turn it off and transcend immediately. However, that is generally not to be. We only gradually spiritual awaken, though we have an ocean of theory to give us a direction, and a community of fellow travelers (devotees of Krishna) to give us support. In the mean time, most of us need to address the reality of our desires and attachments, and work through them. Many devotees have tried to ignore them, and fallen away from the path to pursue what I call their “karmic mission”.
We can make our conditioned nature our friend instead of our enemy by using our occupational and family necessities in Krishna’s service. We have to serve Krishna with the help of our mind and senses, not turn them off and deny them. What is the cause of bondage–attachment–is also the cause of spiritual elevation. Material attachments can be dovetailed and used and thus gradually given up, or they can bind us take another birth. We want to ultimately become attached to saintly devotees and for service to Krishna.
“One must deliver himself with the help of his mind, and not degrade himself. The mind is the friend of the conditioned soul, and his enemy as well.” [BG 6.5] “Even a man of knowledge acts according to his own nature, for everyone follows the nature he has acquired from the three modes. What can repression accomplish? There are principles to regulate attachment and aversion pertaining to the senses and their objects. One should not come under the control of such attachment and aversion, because they are stumbling blocks on the path of self-realization.” [BG 3.33-34]
Haribol Karnamrta. Welcome back! I was missing your association as we have not had an article from you for awhile.
Your articles raise important topics and this one is no exception. The idea that we can prematurely act as completely “surrendered” and do whatever some authority asks us to do, even if we really are not capable, is something a lot of enthusiastic but impatient new devotees experience (haven’t most of us?)
We tend to think, “I am not this body, so I can do anything. I will act like Haridas Thakur and the six Goswamis. I do not need to eat or sleep. I can take on these additional vows or duties.” This lasts a short time and then we rebel (from lust, anger arises, etc.) and lose our determination.
Because I always have to try to state a contrary position just for the sake of stirring up discussion (smile), I will say that enthusiasm without patience is better than patience without enthusiasm, and that if we try to completely dive into devotional service as deep as we can we will gain some eternal benefit, even if we act in an immature way. (It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved). It might be a valuable learning experience, at least, to test our limits and see how much austerity we can handle.
But of course I have to agree that, in the long run, we have to learn how to be in it for the long run. We can do more service by learning how to do something steadily that we can be relied upon to do. Our authorities actually want to see us become steady and reliable, not flashes in the pan. Therefore it is truly more “surrendered” if, after properly assessing our character and abilities, we take on service and commitments we can actually handle steadily, and try to gradually increase.
[I think the expression “flash in the pan” comes from old firearms, in which the gunpowder could burn up outside the barrel and make a big flash but would not do the real job of shooting the projectile.]
To do the real job of completely surrendering to Krishna requires steadiness and patience as well as determination and enthusiasm. We have to honestly dedicate all of our personality and it usually is a gradual process extending over years if not lifetimes. Still, it is nice to see how young devotees are sometimes inspired to try to do it all at once, as long as that does not make them give up, rebel, become offensive or intolerant of others and all those other well-known signs of premature renunciation.
By the grace of Shrila Prabhupada when he was physically present, we did think that anything was possible–that we would soon take over the world, and everyone would be chanting Hare Krishna. And we did do many materially possible things with some of our “can do” attitudes. Many of us did so much more in regards to our service when Prabhupada was here, then when he disappeared from our earthly sight. Then, as one very great test of the guru, he left our physical vision, and we had to see what we really understood about spiritual life. Was it just to receive his pleased glance, or were we able to be Krishna conscious having to be more internal and practice seeing everything in relationship to his instructions? Would we understand the spirit of his instructions, and continually gain realizations that would sustain us spiritually? A lot of disciples didn’t fare too well, though the service they did will lead them again to service.
As you said enthusiasm is key, which means we have faith. Faith is a call to action, reason is only dry external thinking, and we can remain on the fence forever. So faith is really the quality of the soul, doubt the material intelligence. When we loose our faith we become suspicious of KC and devotees. Suspicion leads to suspense of our forward march toward Krishna. I wrote this piece based on my many years experience being a devotee, but not really knowing who I was in this body. I know I gained much by the surrendered service I did living in the Temple, yet the fallout when I moved out almost killed my spiritual life….and it did for some devotees. It took me many years to recover and get back on my feet spiritually….to not be so cynical and negative. So, knowing where are are spiritually and materially is one key for long range enthusiasm–another one is to be with advanced devotees who share their faith with us and inspire us by speaking Krishna katha and their spiritual experience.
It is really true that spiritual life is like a razors edge. KC is much easier than karma or jnana yoga, but it is also requires more in that we have to give our whole heart to Krishna to be successful. In the verse which speaks of how easy bhakti is, that we can offer him just a leaf, flower, water etc, he also mentions twice, with “love and devotion”. So we have to find a way to keep on keeping on in Bhakti by getting good association, so we can be faithful and enthusiastic.
Karnamrta you express things so clearly and beautifully. Knowing we are not this body does not mean we do not need to know who we are in this body.
We have to know both things: (1) who we really are in Krishna’s lila (not that we should expect to see our “siddha svarupa” before we are extremely advanced, but we can at least know we are “eternal servant of Krishna”), and (2) who we are in this life, or even this time in our lives, in this phenomenal plane of our social interactions, and act accordingly.
This understanding is key to implementation of Varnasrama dharma. Based on our previous karma, we have acquired different bodies in different social positions and occupations and relationships, and our external behavior should be in line with these positions. This will make us peaceful and happy.
Internally I may be constantly chanting Hare Krishna and meditating on the beautiful arati I saw in the morning, but externally I may be a brick layer, shopkeeper, policeman or schoolteacher. I should not think that I have to act as a policeman even though I am not suited for such work. I takes a special type of person to do police work.
Similarly, Srila Prabhupada wanted to train up some first class brahminical devotees who could act as spiritual leaders for all of society, but the training is very rigorous and exacting. Not all of us were able to stick to it and excel at it, whether before or after Srila Prabhupada’s disappearance. Not everyone could come to the first-class platform. Not everyone has to.
A “house the whole world can live in” suggests there is room for devotees who just like to chant Hare Krishna, take prasadam, and contribute in whatever way they can. We should not have to pose as spiritual leaders or first-class brahminical devotees if we are just regular people who have fortunately gotten a taste for chanting and hearing and following Srila Prabhupada’s instructions.
And those who are really first class are very peaceful, humble and tolerant. They can be very strict with themselves or with their students but they do not expect everyone will be as renounced, detached, regulated, knowledgeable or realized as they are.
Devotees who cannot follow 16/4 should not live in the temple community, but are encouraged to visit and try to come up to that minimum platform. Varnasram does not mean putting people down into their place against their will, but showing them how to find an occupation and role that suits them.
Srila Prabhupada frequently spoke about “asad-dharma” and “sad-dharma”. Because he was giving us the highest thing, devotional service, the real, substantial, eternal occupation of the soul, he minimized the importance of duties in relation to our temporary bodies.
Karmis, jnanis and yogis are concerned with asat, with the material body, in one way or another, but pure devotees are acting on the platform of sat. Sat, cit and ananda. That is pure spritual life.
And yet Prabhupada never encouraged us to be ignorant about our temporary positions in these material bodies or the duties associated with these positions. It is just that these duties are less important, or rather that to really do them properly involves dovetailing them with our eternal duties. If they do not lead to realization of Krishna through pure devotional service, they are a useless waste of time.
But they can lead to Krishna and should be done for His pleasure. This is a central theme of Bhagavad-Gita. One should know what his duties are and carry them out in surrender to Krishna.
One who externally adopts the lifestyle of a sannyasi but does not become a pure devotee is not perfect in his renunciation, whereas one who offers the results of all actions to Krishna with bhakti is a perfect sannyasi, even if externally acting as a householder and even a soldier on a battlefield.
“Sarva-dharman parityajya mam ekam saranamvraja” is the conclusion for the very advanced students. Until we learn “mam ekam saranam vraja” it is dangerous to practice “sarva-dharman parityajya.” We need to also understand the more preliminary instruction, “para-dharmo bhayavahah” (to perform duties that are not our own but someone else’s is dangerous) (B.G. 3.35)
It may be difficult to assess exactly what our external or conditional duties are while we are living in a non-Aryan, non-Varnasrama society. [It may be difficult even when we do live in a Vedic society, as it was for Arjuna–we should not expect it to be simple].
But as long as we are conditioned souls (and lets face it most of us are) we are going to be forced to do some things that are not 100% Krisna conscious and the trick is to try to infuse them with Krishna consciousness as best as we can, being guided by those who can help us and who are our real well-wishers.
We do have to know “who we are in this body” if we are going to be able to properly execute our duties for knowing who we really are eternally.
Regarding “who we are in this body”, Mahanidhi Swami’s lecture on bhoga and bhakti samskaras, available on iskcondesiretree and through a link on Dandavats, is helpful.
We are carrying all these impressions of desire and hatred etched on our cittas, not only from this life but from millions of past lives. These things define the temporary sitation of “who we are”, what family we are born in and what type of body and proclivities we have.
Of course, who we are in this body is not who we really are, eternally, but it is still useful and important for us to be aware of. We do have a conditional situation which effects the kind of service we should do or are even capable of doing with our body under the laws of nature.
Yes, our goal is to cleanse away all these impressions on our cittas and transcend our materially conditioned situations, but we should follow our own natures as we do so. We actually are forced to follow our natures, whether we like it or not.
On fast days we can see how nature pushes us to put food in our bodies. By regulated tapasya in small increments we can handle, we learn what it is like to go against our natural urges. How strange it seems, when we stop to consider it, that we put food and water in our bodies at all. Yet we are forced by nature to make elaborate arrangements for putting food and drink in at regular intervals.
“So subtly is the fume of life designed”, says Edna St. Vincent Millay, “Which clouds the pulse and so upsets the mind, That I am once again undone, possessed.”
We are not really masters of what we do. “Everyone is forced to act helplessly by the modes of nature and no one can refrain from doing something, even for a moment.” Therefore Krishna advises us to regulate the senses raher than try to refrain from action.
We must act according to our natures, but do so in a spirit of devotional service, and thus become directed by the divine nature (daivim prakrtim).
We are small jivas and we are governed by some nature, whether material or divine. The eternal nature of the jiva soul is to be active, as an eternal servant of Krishna. Dynamic, not static. Therefore the idea of merging with impersonal brahman is actually foreign to our true constitutional position.
Mayavadis have no good reason to do anything, if everything is illusory. But devotees do. We dedicate everything to Krishna while acting according to our nature, and this purifies us (ceto darpana marjanam).