By Radhikakrpa Devi Dasi
The dark foggy night of 22nd December ’98 transformed my life. All the activity in my life came to a standstill. My world shattered attributing to pangs of pain. ”Death” ,( the most dreadful word ) often heard of barged into my life and snatched away the most lovable , most close friend to me; my dear father .
My Past
Born in affluence I treaded the path of life without ever stopping to ponder the ways of life. Action for me was to strive hard to get the material products. Happiness possessed such worldly things. Basking in the love of the near and dear ones boosted the feeling of security. A nice caring husband, two beautiful affectionate children and doting parents was my world. What more could I ask from the Lord? Foolish enough, I was enjoying this sunshine thinking it to be eternal ; forgetting that life is like a twig that can be swayed away by even a very light blow of wind. Surrounded by our loved ones we forget that we have higher goals to accomplish. Life is meant for that. Pain caused by death of a near one is the best of the best tutors .A person engrossed in the worldly affairs tries to race with time but remains aloof to the pain. I was no different to the materialistic beings. But I accepted what pain taught me. From childhood I was in touch with spiritualism; I visited temples, gurudwaras (shrines of Sikh community) and followed some rituals. I read the Guru Granth Sahib (the scripture of the Sikhs) regularly in the morning and in the evening ;I would say parrot reading. I would say so as I failed to understand it then. My father was admitted in the hospital for ‘angioplasty’ which doctors had proclaimed to be safe but it culminated in a tragic end. On the announcement of the doctors of his being critical, prayers never left my lips and heart. I remembered God to save him. I would never add ‘to no avail’ as I credit my today’s status of a ‘devotee’ to that moment of my life. My prayers and my chanting must have helped him in his last moments but it revolutionized my life too. The Lord started guiding me towards Him. The initial step of purification commenced; I became a vegetarian there and then in the hospital premises at 3.30 am; right after the doctors made the announcement of my losing him. I still don’t understand what came upon me to take such a vow but then today I thank Lord for showing me such a way.
Quest Commences
The pain of separation made my life morose; flooded with various questions. I writhed in pain searching for answers to my questions. The questions that stared haunting my mind I often wondered where were they till now. They seemed so basic; still it took 38 years for them to invade my consciousness. Surprisingly, around me I see countless human beings much – much older unaware of this quest. The questions were; who are we? Why are we here? Where we have to go? And one question that I longed to have an answer was WHO IS GOD? The next six months took me to various religious places in search of answers to these questions. I went to far off places to pray to Hanuman ji, to Lord Shiva, to Durga; not for any material gain but for the answer to my question of knowing God. Not only had I visited the temples and gurudwaras to offer prayers I also started reading the religious scriptures with great intensity. Srila A. C. Bhaktivedanta Prabhupada has righteously said that Krsna sees our sincerity and endeavour to know Him.
Visit to Sri Vrndavana Dham God answered my prayers; pulled me to His dham so as to know Him. On the 15th of May 1999, Krsna brought me and my family to Sri Sri Krsna Balram Mandir, Vrndavan. I had been residing in Delhi since my birth but never visited Vrndavan, now in reply to my prayers the Lord arranged for me to reach my destination of solace. The answers to my questions were awaiting me. After taking darshan of the beautiful Deities we were guided by some devotee to the Srila Prabhupada’s quarters. It is a fact that Srila Prabhupada is Shiksha Guru for the masses as soon as they enter the temple premises with a feeling of inquisitiveness and surrender. He is ready to help you provided you are in dire need of it that is you want to really accept it. The devotee who showed us around in the quarters narrated Prabhupada’s purpose behind establishing such a Society. I won’t say unknowingly (because everything is under Krsna’s control) but by Krsna’s planning and mercy I got the answers to my questions. It seemed that the answers were flowing to me automatically. The sanctity of the place ,the blessings of Prabhupada convinced me and my husband enough to commence to follow the teachings there and then. We had the opportunity to chant one round of Japa around the Srila Prabhupada Samadhi adding to the mercy showered on us. I would mention here that Krsna is so merciful that He let my husband support me fully; He gave us both the intelligence to come to Him. Krsna made my path to Him obstacle free. Further the devotee requested us to stay for the evening ‘Arti’ to enjoy an ‘out of this world experience’; Sri Sri Radha Shyamsunder wanted to bless me fully with no room for doubt. Waiting for the evening Arti meant spending the hot afternoon of the month of May with children outside the temple (as temple closed in the afternoon) – sometime on the stairs of Prabhupada Samadhi and some on the floor of guesthouse. As it was our maiden visit to the ISKCON temple we were not familiar with surroundings. As the temple reopened at 4.15pm we joined the devotees doing kirtana . The time flied and at 7pm the grand Gaur Arti echoed in the air followed by tumultuous kirtana and dance. The atmosphere was electrified; the melodious sound of mrdngas and kartals filled the temple hall. Everybody involved; none left out, all feet dancing, hands clapping; seemed all overjoyed at the sight of the Lord and His Lady. It was amazing, indeed out of this mundane world. It was a spiritual experience unable to be worded. Both of us were now determined to not to let it go out of our hand. We departed with a heart filled with new found joy. I could sense in the deepest core of my heart that I had been fortunate enough to be blessed by the most beautiful deities of Sri Sri Radha Shyamsunder. I had left my heart with them.
Meeting my Spiritual Father
Reaching back, we visited the nearby small ISKCON centre in Punjabi bagh very near to our house; which had been there for the last 18 years but never appealed to us. It was destined for us to first have the mercy of Srila Prabhpada in the holy city of Vrndavana. Very true without Guru Kripa one can’t reach his/her real destination. The sadhana began now leading to 16 rounds and the rules and regulatives. We could feel the mercy flowing in our lives. Soon we met our would be spiritual father; our guru maharaj ji; His Holiness Gopal Krsna Goswami. The love, compassion he showered made me forget the agony I was going through. I could now understand the real purpose of life. My mind could now understand the religious scriptures that previously were read but their depth unfathomed. Gradually, I started accepting the importance of a Guru. With the passing away of two years we were refined for the initiation. The birth by the Spiritual Father transformed our lives in the year 2001 on the auspicious day of Moksha Ekadesi day. Months added to become years and today when I turn I see myself at the service of Sri Guru and Sri Gaurang always. Today, after nine years of Harinaam initiation and being “Brahmincal initiated,” I am experiencing myself steering ahead on the safest road of Krsna Consciousness. The transformation of the self being is enormous. As Srila Prabhupada has rightly said when in touch with the Supreme Lord one becomes aware of his abilities and put them in service of the Lord. Few months back due to Guru’s and Gourang’s mercy I published a book of poems composed in the glory of the Lord, Prabhupada and Gurudeva. Likewise we all can make an effort to clutch the hand of Srila Prabhupada and toddle our way to Back to Godhead.
hare krsna mataji ..
i have just started reading ur book vaishnav teaching in sikhism .
as u have shown in that guru nanak dev ji has refferd lord sri krsna as god .
before reading ur book there were some thoughts in my mind like to write book about different relogion describing that in every holy book or scripture saints have described something that which totally matches with the qualities of krsna . i have searched lot of material in net about different religion but that is not enough to write a book . i wil try to work hard on that
and trough that i want to tell people of religion that god is one and that is lord sri krsna …….
after seeing ur book i was eager to meet you , now i have seen u in net and i know that god will make an arrangement one day i will b meeting u and i need ur blessings so that i can get more and more material to wite books ……….
though it wil take some years to write that because it is just one year that i have joined with and currntly i m undergoing my bhakt vriksha classes ,.
please pray to lord and prabhupad ji and maharaj ji that i will getting enough material to write over that and due to the lord’s grace they will b coming to iskcon ….
I always enjoy Radhikakrpa’s posts. She is one of the most talented regular contributors here on Dandavats.
One of the things I liked so much about this one is how well it conveyed the difficult concept that Krishna’s mercy is often found in material reverses.
We are mostly horrified by the prospect of loss of property and loved ones, of health or life itself, or by experience of material suffering. In our false identity as enjoyers of the temporary arrangements of this world, our whole heart is wrapped up in endeavors to avoid such reverses. But the actual, liberating fact is that none of these temporary things is essential to our true happiness and highest self-interest.
While walking in Jagannatha Puri, last month, H.H. Radhanatha Swami told me an illuminating historical fact.
Most of us have heard this story from the New Testament (I hope I get it right; I am too lazy to actually go find it in the Bible): A wealthy, pious Jew approached Jesus and proudly told him, “I am already following the Ten Commandments very strictly and observing all the proper laws and rituals of pious Jewish life. What shall I do to become your follower?” Jesus told him, “Simple. Just distribute all your possessions to the poor, and you can travel with me and preach (as a sannyasi).” The man was unable to follow the instruction and went away, whereupon Jesus told those around him, “It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a wealthy man to enter the kingdom of God.”
What Maharaja explained to me was that in the wall of old Jerusalem there was a narrow, short gate known as the “Eye of the Needle”. Merchants got their camels through this gate only with great difficulty. First, all the baggage they were carrying had to be unloaded off them. Even then, it was very difficult to get them through.
It is possible for a pure devotee to live a so-called “materially successful” life, but the real success of pure devotees is their inability to forget Krishna or give up His service in any condition.
“Cheating religion” promises that if we behave and pray well, we get material happiness. Most of the New Testament shows Jesus walking around healing sick or disabled people, raising the dead and giving wealth to the poor. These images are attractive to those who cannot see that material happiness is temporary and meager, another “fallible soldier.”
Queen Kunti’s prayer for calamities so she can see Krishna is so profound…