By his wife Guruseva Devi Dasi
My dearest husband, please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to your most merciful guru maharaja Srila Prabhupada.
First I would like to thank you from the core of my heart that you came into my life and were a very caring husband. I remember it was in the year 2002 that you phoned me and asked me if I would like to enter a relationship with you. I did not even know who you are or your name. I told you that I am returning back to Mayapur.You said, ok, then I guess it’s not going to happen. But you phoned again and revealed to me that actually you don’t mind coming with me to Mayapur. You invited Jahnavi and me to Govindas for pizza. I replied, “I haven’t even met you yet. I don’t want to go out like this.” I said, “Tomorrow in the temple they start reading from the Bhagavad-gita for Gita Jayanti. We can meet at the temple.” After the reading they served out prasädam and just sitting with you for the first time, I felt immediately close, as if I had met an old friend again. Later in the week after one night of the Gita reading one of my friends warned me not to get into a relationship with you. I still had some rounds left after this evening program and I chanted them in front of Srila Prabhupada’s mürti in the temple room. I was praying to Srila Prabhupada to protect me from making a mistake. Then Srila Prabhuapda came to life for me. He was not just a statue; he told me “You helped so many conditioned souls by distributing my books. Can you please help one of my disciples?”
This was an amazing experience and at this point a pujari came out with a garland from the Deity room and put the garland around my neck. For me it was confirmed that it was not just sentimental.
My guru maharaja also gave his blessings:
Dear Sati Devi Dasi, (Guruseva dd)
Please accept my blessings. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.
Having read all three letters, I am confident as I could ever possibly be confident about any marriage, that your marriage to Grahila Prabhu will be auspicious for both of you. Please be assured that your desire to go forward with this marriage has my full blessings. You have approached this marriage exactly in the way which I believe that all my disciples should approach marriage. You have done all the preliminary work in a responsible and respectable way. And you are also not expecting me to magically “bless” the marriage to work without each of you first gaining your own convictions about each other.
Please tell Grahila Prabhu that I will be very happy to get the opportunity to associate with him and to chant bhajans with him, whenever Krsna will allow me the opportunity.
Hoping this meets you in good health.
Your well-wisher,
Niranjana Swami
I am grateful that you worked so hard to maintain us and I am happy that you no longer need to work. I know you would have preferred to engage more time in your sädhana and bhajan.
I remember how we went to Switzerland to collect some money. You baked cookies for me to distribute. What I enjoyed the most was to see your joy when I would tell you how the people appreciated and were in love with your delicious cookies. Sometimes we would go to the forest and play games like hide and seek, but you had a injured knee so you could not play nicely. So I said, “Be patient. The day will come when you will play to your full satisfaction.”
Whenever you noticed that I need some more time for myself, you offered to cook for me and often you would even wash the dishes; when you made me upset you apologized and would say, I will make it up to you. To the outsider you were very reserved, but at home you were actually very funny. If sometimes I would feel a little down, you could always find a way to make me laugh. I joked that we could make a comedy film and you wouldn’t need to work anymore. You said that I would be the only one laughing. I replied that I am sure Krsna misses your humor in the spiritual world.
I remember how a few years ago in Jagannath Puri when I was in a very difficult situation, you became my everything. A best friend, humble servant, supportive father, loving husband and saved me from certain insanity.
I am eternally grateful for your tender care. At this point I felt like you had done enough for me in this lifetime.
Being married to you, I got the opportunity to serve my Guru Maharja in a more intimate way. Since both of you are God brothers, my relationship with Him became a lot more personal and sweet. I was amazed how a few hours before your departure, you were having a converstation with Guru Maharaj filled with so much joy. You said “I feel so sorry for you. You are an exalted Acharya and you have to stay and suffer and I am such a sinful person and I go back to Godhead.” It was the most beautiful and satisfying thing for me to see that you were so sure about your destination.
I remember how you shed tears by hearing how cows got killed even in Vrindavana. Whenever you heard how someone was suffering you immediately felt it in your heart. It seems that it was too painful for you to stay any longer in this material world, as you often used to say.
Then in Karttik we were shocked when you suddenly changed from a healthy man to someone with fourth stage cancer. It was hard to understand what Krsnas plan was for us. The last five months were very intense, but we gained a lot of deep spiritual realizations that brought you to perfection and brought myself to understand the meaning of selfless service. For this I would like to thank you very very much.
One week before you left you had a serious crisis in the bathroom and were praying to leave immediately. Later I told you that it would be better to have a more glorious departure, which would be pleasing to the devotees and make them happy.
Often you would say that you were not attached to me materially, but in a spiritual way. You mentioned often that I am like a Guru to you. But without doubt I see now that you have become my Guru. Serving you, I have come to deeply understand how absolutely everything is under Krsnas control. I have become fully aware that depending on Krsna and trusting his decisions, makes ones mind peaceful even in the most difficult of situations.
On the 9th you said, the pain is too much, I cannot tolerate any more. Maybe I should breath so fast that I get a heart attack or would that be considered committing suicide? Maybe Srila Prabhupada won’t take me. Then you said, bring me the 10th canto, Brahmas prayers to Lord Krsna (10.14.8)
tat te ‘nukampäà su-samĂ©kñamäëo
bhuïjäna evätma-kåtaà vipäkam
håd-väg-vapurbhir vidadhan namas te
jéveta yo mukti-pade sa däya-bhäk
TRANSLATION
My dear Lord, one who earnestly waits for You to bestow Your causeless mercy upon him, all the while patiently suffering the reactions of his past misdeeds and offering You respectful obeisances with his heart, words and body, is surely eligible for liberation, for it has become his rightful claim.
PURPORT
Çréla Çrédhara Svämé explains in his commentary that just as a legitimate son has to simply remain alive to gain an inheritance from his father, one who simply remains alive in Kåñëa consciousness, following the regulative principles of bhakti-yoga, automatically becomes eligible to receive the mercy of the Personality of Godhead. In other words, he will be promoted to the kingdom of God.
The word su-samĂ©kñamäëa indicates that a devotee earnestly awaits the mercy of the Supreme Lord even while suffering the painful effects of previous sinful activities. Lord Kåñëa explains in the Bhagavad-gĂ©tä that a devotee who fully surrenders unto Him is no longer liable to suffer the reactions of his previous karma. However, because in his mind a devotee may still maintain the remnants of his previous sinful mentality, the Lord removes the last vestiges of the enjoying spirit by giving His devotee punishments that may sometimes resemble sinful reactions. The purpose of the entire creation of God is to rectify the living entity’s tendency to enjoy without the Lord, and therefore the particular punishment given for a sinful activity is specifically designed to curtail the mentality that produced the activity. Although a devotee has surrendered to the Lord’s devotional service, until he is completely perfect in Kåñëa consciousness he may maintain a slight inclination to enjoy the false happiness of this world. The Lord therefore creates a particular situation to eradicate this remaining enjoying spirit. This unhappiness suffered by a sincere devotee is not technically a karmic reaction; it is rather the Lord’s special mercy for inducing His devotee to completely let go of the material world and return home, back to Godhead.
A sincere devotee earnestly desires to go back to the Lord’s abode. Therefore he willingly accepts the Lord’s merciful punishment and continues offering respects and obeisances to the Lord with his heart, words and body. Such a bona fide servant of the Lord, considering all hardship a small price to pay for gaining the personal association of the Lord, certainly becomes a legitimate son of God, as indicated here by the words däya-bhäk. Just as one cannot approach the sun without becoming fire, one cannot approach the supreme pure, Lord Kåñëa, without undergoing a rigid purificatory process, which may appear like suffering but which is in fact a curative treatment administered by the personal hand of the Lord.
After hearing this verse and purport, you had a complete transformation. You said, ok, I will tolerate and wait.” You did a lot of prayers that day, sometimes with folded hands, sometimes with hands raised. You looked at Srila Prabhupada’s pictures and said, Please take me home. I cannot stay any more in this body. If you desire, you can send me back for preaching, but please take me home now. You were really begging. Later on, I saw you were in great pain but then you said, I am tolerating. At this point I was so proud of you, how you applied this verse immediately to your situation.
You were very careful not to waste even one rupee. On the 10th was the last day for us to pay our bills otherwise we would have to pay a penalty. You remembered that just a day before you left and you kept asking, “Did you pay the bills?” I replied that everything is ready for payment. I took your concern very seriously and didn’t want to disappoint you, so I made all the efforts to have them paid. After an hour or so, you sarcastically asked me again. “So, I guess the bills are not paid yet?” I happily replied, yes! They are paid. You did not forget your material duties even up to the last minute.
On the 11th at 2am Vraja Kumar came to inform me that your breathing had become difficult. Actually, I was already awake, feeling your condition as my own. I prayed to Krsna, “If you want to bless me for the service I have done for my husband, my desire is that he would leave his body on this auspicious day of Ekadasi.”
When I came in the room, you asked me in the most humble manner to place a tulsi leaf in your mouth. You said, “Please pray to Srila Prabhupada that I can leave… I don’t know what’s going on. I cannot control this breathing any more.” I reminded you of Bhakti Brhat Bhagavat Maharajs words. That you should remember that even the breathing belongs to Lord Chaitanya, including the last breath. You said ok, but then after some time you again told me “its difficult, its difficult!”
My last words to you were “Remember Lord Chaitanyas Lotus feet then difficult things become easy!” Then you said “ok.”
It was the most beautiful and auspicious morning. The sun was shining in the room. There were all kinds of birds chirping, the cows were peacefully grazing. You wore Lord Jagannath’s chaddar (Jagannath Puri)on your chest. You grabbed my hands and wanted to say something but couldn’t. That’s when I realized that you may leave any second. We looked deeply into each others eyes and I was chanting the mahamantra with all my heart to you. I then put a picture of Radha-Madhava before your eyes, and while you gazed at their lordships with love and devotion, you peacefully left this material world.
You left me behind but with a purified, satisfied and very happy heart. I thank you again for coming into my life.
I would like to thank all the devotees for their unconditional love and support.
I would like to request all the devotees who had personal dealings/conversations with Grahila Prabhu prior to his departure to share their experiences and realizations.
Hare Krsna
Yajna Murti das: Dear devotees,
Please accept my humble obeisences. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.
I just heard that Grahila Prabhu has left his material body. I would like to share with you one of his last pastimes as I was serving him the last days. Last week he asked me to write a letter on his behalf. The letter was addressed to a publisher of a book. Grahila Prabhu was complaining to the publisher because he had put his name on the front cover of the book and above Kushakrata’s prabhu name and besides that Grahila prabhu’s name was written in bigger letters than Kushakrata’s. He was asking the publisher to please correct it and put his name in the second page of the book.
Goura Premananda!
Grahila Prabhu Ki Jaya!
Your servant, Yajna Murti das
Hare Krsna!
If anyone would like to write to my email address it is:
guruseva.nrs@pamho.net
Thank you,
Guruseva Devi Dasi
Dear Guru Seva dd,
Dandavat and Hare Krishna. I read your beautiful eulogy and offering upon the passing on of your husband. To those who are skeptical of the benefits of a Krishna conscious marriage, let them read your words.
I hope that Krishna will bless you more and more with divine sentiments that will fulfill your heart with His love. Unfortunately, we live in a world where loss is the rule:
When Arjuna saw the fearsome Universal Form, he asked Krishna, “Who are you and what is Your mission?” Krishna replied that He is Time, come to destroy the worlds, Kalosmi loka ksayakrit. We come into a world made to be lost by its very design, by its Creator. Thus, we learn important lessons from loses that cannot otherwise be learned, and we can better understand that Krishna does not desire us to consider the material creation as permanent or a home for the eternal jiva soul.
All of us who have come to Krishna consciousness feel this and are making steps toward aligning our eternal soul with the eternal and deathless world. Your husband has completed that journey, and as you have described, it was a beautiful transition externally to our eyes. Internally, Krishna comes and takes His devotee through His promise, back to Home, back to Godhead. Krishna and Srila Prabhupad bless you always.
Sincerely,
Pusta Krishna das
What an exalted way to leave the material body!
Thank you, MataJi, for sharing your experience and spiritual realizations.
We are all in debt with you and your dear husband
for setting such high models of material and spiritual life, both.
Begging you to bless us all so that
we too can follow suit on your examples.
Your servant in Calcutta/India:
Acyuta.SdG dasa
Thank you Mataji for your heartfelt narration…
It was very moving for me to read it, as I also went through a somewhat similar experience with Yamuna devi dasi…
Interestingly enough, our spiritual master, Srila Gour Govinda Maharaja quoted the same verse your husband wished to have you read out loud to him, as Yamuna devi dasi had asked him whether the cancer she was suffering from was a result of her past sinful activities…
Srila Gour Govinda Maharaja then explained, as Srila Prabhupada in his purport, that she was not subjected to past karma anymore, since her initiation…
He then emphatically said: “Krishna has personnaly given you this disease for your purification”. To this, he added “If you accept it as His mercy, you will become eligible to attain to his lotus feet…”. At last, he said “you must have full faith in my words, otherwise, you will be lost…!”.
Fortunately, she did take Srila Gour Govinda Swami’s words to heart and accepted her disease as Krishna’s mercy…!
…/…
To make a long story short, Srila Gour Govinda Maharaja reported that she had gone straight to the spiritual world, and that his guruship had become successful, as one of his disciples had gone back to Godhead…
Alike Grahila Prabhu, she left on an Ekadasi, on Papamocani Ekadasi 1992…
Alike you, I feel most blessed to have been granted the opportunity to serve a Vaishnava, i.e. a Vaishnavi…
Do now remember that Sri Krishna is dwelling on the lotus of your heart as your most dear friend and that Srila Prabhupada and his sincere servants are always there to look after you.
Have faith in your own fate…
Sri Guru & Sri Gauranga will protect what you spiritually have and will provide what you may spiritually lack…
On this spiritual path, no step is ever made in vain…
Keep ankering for this ahaituki apratihata seva, which you were granted a chance to taste some drops of…
Your path back home, back to Godhead is also guaranteed, as long as you do also accept whatever trial comes your way, as Lord Krishna’s mercy, and do welcome any purificatory process as His special favor…
All glories to Srila Prabhupada who gloriously manifested to you and made all this possible…
Hare Krishna
Puskaraksa das
Dear Grahila Prabhu,
It was a great shock for me to hear that you had left this world “so suddenly”. I say that since the last I had read, probably one week earlier, is that you had a miraculous turnabout and would be good as new within a month. Next thing was that things again turned around. That news came late in the evening at a time when I have non-existent phone service due to being in a remote village, and I planned on calling you the next morning. The next day I downloaded my email and there was a message from our godbrother Ganesh that you had already left! I had wanted to say goodbye and to thank you for your gentle association.
The first time we met we were working together for the BBT. That was in “Govinda’s Vaikuntha Building” on Miami Beach, and our rooms were adjacent. You were doing the indexing, and I was the production manager. I enjoyed sharing many things with you at that time.
Our last contact was also concerning books. This time you were indexing my Spiritual Economics book, and as it turns out this was the last work that you did in this world. Krishna seemed to keep you here just for that because immediately upon finishing you began to have severe health problems. But you did finish and I was very happy to have your professional skills applied to my work. Thank you!
Now, as you inform us, you have gone to be with Krishna in His loving pastimes. How Wonderful!!! I am so happy for you! Your departure again proves that real success in this life is a result of humble service and dedication to Srila Prabhupada’s mission, and not a matter of any material position of any kind.
If you will, please remind your Krishna, that you have a friend left behind here and ask Him if He would bestow just a little of His kindness on this fallen soul. Krishna is yours now! An eternity of bliss! And it couldn’t have happened to a nicer person.
Your friend in Krishna consciousness,
Dhanesvara Das
Thank you mother Guruseva. Your article is beautiful, very heart touching!
I think the thing that impressed me the most about Grahila Prabhu was his simplicity. He was not a “big devotee”, in the sense that we often think. He always kept a humble demeanor and we see what his final position was. My Guru Maharaja used to say, “Look out for the back benchers”. That was Grahila Prabhu — steady, competent and quiet.
I will greatly miss his loving association and his expert indexing. He was a huge asset for our publications work.
I’m happy to hear that he was wearing Lord Jagannath’s chadar when he left.
Interesting story behind that chadar: We had a parikrama in Puri in January. One day a panda of Lord Jagannath showed up asking me if I wanted anything. I knew him briefly as he had once come to our house wanting to meet us. I didn’t take him very seriously. Frankly my impression was that he was just after money or perhaps some connections with the Western devotees. Then I remembered Grahila Prabhu and I thought, “why not try?” So I asked him if he could get a prasadam Gita Govinda Kandhua (Jagannatha’s chadar) for a friend who was leaving his body.
He said, “Yes, yes. I’ll bring it tonight”, and left.
I didn’t expect to see him again. To get a prasadam Gita Govinda Kandhua is not easy, and when you can get one, they want to charge you huge amounts of money.
I was surprised to find the panda waiting for us when we got back from our parikrama that day. I was even more surprised when he handed me a Kandhua and some other types of prasadam. But I became astonished when he refused to take any money from me for it. Finally I insisted, “You have to take something, it won’t be auspicious for me.” And with that I gifted him a copy of our newest Krishna Kathamrita magazine.
It was very extraordinary for Lord Jagannath’s chadar came so quickly and so easily. I took it as a sign of Krishna’s blessing on Grahila Prabhu.
Thanks again for the article your wrote, and thanks for being such a good friend and partner for your husband. The two of you have set a wonderful example.
If there is ever anything we can do for you, please don’t hesitate to write and let us know.
Your servant,
Madhavananda Das
Thank you, Guruseva Mataji, for submitting this heartfelt letter to your dear husband so that we could all read it. I am grateful for the sobering effect that your words have on my heart. I hope to always remember and never forget this story. Perhaps one day I will be blessed to obtain your holy association. Your aspiring servant, Phalini devi dasi